Love The Way You Lie ( The Story of Us Part 2)
by lolaluvsbooks2390
Summary: Sequel 2 Secrets & Lies. Cas cums home. Gab n Jo have problems. Dean creates a new secret while adding 2 da old. Gab lies 2 Cas n Cas wants Dean back. Crazy right and that is in the 1st few chaps. SO Join are fav 4sum while they are in college. This is a whole new story that takes part between the original part 1 & 2 a whole new story b4 i do i did i will will u. Sam might show up
1. Chapter 1 Gabriel

**Hello and welcome to part 2. I hope you enjoy. Thank you to those who reviewed on the finally story, You are the reason i wrote new story. I should tell you i don't think i will be updating so fast this time around, It looks like i might update once a week. I am pretty sure that is what is going to happen. ****I promise to update once a week. above anything else.**

**Don't forget to review. Reviewing motivates me. **

**Shout out to Sonya your review help name the story. Hope you enjoy. Shout out to my reviews Satan. You have been though this with me twice i hope you love it and like the changes, I promise a new original story with this.**

**Okay here is the next Chapter it might be from Gabriel pov but it will tell you a lot about Cas or Cassie as he calls him. **

* * *

**Part 2 I did ...love you and in some i still do **

**C****hapter 1 Gabriel **

I hate seeing my brother this way. I can't help but think this this kind of my fault. I did pressure Dean into doing this. I wanted Dean to break up with him and I have my reasons, but I never believed it be this bad. Dean listen to me and now Cassie has become someone I never thought I recognized.

All summer he has walked around the house like a zombie. He is even starting to smell like one. I have to make him shower. What the hell has happen? Yes Cassie had his little break down, but I thought he would recover. I would have never if I thought he couldn't. I mean come on. What has happen has happen back in June and it is now August. Two months has pass and there still is no change in him. Cassie listens to the same song over and over again. He listens to The Script. I don't know if you ever heard of them. They're an Alternative Rock Band from Ireland. I personally do not like them but a lot of people from our town do. Cassie happens to be one. He keeps listen to the same song; Exit Wound. I mean yeah I like a couple of their songs but come on.

This has got to end. He is supposed to leave for school in like two days yet he claims he is not going. I did not risk our relationship for him to drop out of school before he even starts. I swear I will be damned. I will not let Dean dictate his life. He deserves the best out of life and as you and god as my witness, I will be the one to make sure he gets it. I just wonder how I am going to do it.

I am standing at his door listening to that damn song on repeat trying to figure out a game plan. I wish my Cotton was here with me, but she is getting ready to move in at The University of Kansas. Plus she kind of doesn't know about me and Dean's arrangement. Okay so I should catch you up before I go into his room.

Dean sent Cassie a letter to break up with him. Cassie cried in my arms for like three hours until he fell asleep. Yes you heard me right he cried himself to sleep. He slept through the whole night. I guess he was tired in more ways than one. My brother has always been strong even when he was heartbroken but I guess he reached his breaking point. I can't blame him especially since I had a hand in doing so.

So I watched him through the night. I didn't get any sleep. I thought he might have night terrors again, but he didn't. He slept through the night. When he woke up, I saw a change in him. He looked like he had barely gotten any sleep, even though he slept like eighteen hours. I'm not going to lie I took pity on him. You would too if you saw him. His skin looked dry; his lips were so chapped that he actually looked dehydrated. His oh so blue eyes that I use to be jealous of, yes I was jealous of his blue eyes. Balthazar and I are both actually jealous that his eyes look like the sky. I would say the ocean but from what I have seen the ocean isn't as blue. Maybe if you are in Florida or other parts of the country.

Okay basically he looked like shit and he didn't help his image all summer. He has barely eaten or drank anything. It didn't help all summer that I had to make him eat at least once a day. It's like he is five years old again and we share a room. See when we were five and six he use to have nightmares or something along the lines where I use to have to actually sleep in the bed with him. You night not understand what that has to do with anything so I will tell you. Basically I am watching over him until whatever he is feeling has passed. With the way things are going now I might be watching over him until we are in our thirty's.

Did I mention he has barley said two words to me since he got the letter? Yeah it's true. He says things like yes, no and okay. If I ask him a question like; Hey Cassie how are? He says I am fine. If I ask do you want something to eat? He will say no? That's when I have to force him. I have tried bringing up him getting out there and getting over Dean , but once I take one look at him I fold. I can't do it. I am partly the reason he is feeling such heart break. Hey, if you think it's all my fault then you must not know Dean. He has his own mind. If he really didn't want to end things with Cassie and if he really loved him then he would have went against me. He spent years pissing me off about the way he treated my brother and he chooses now to listen to me.

If you are wondering if Dean and me are still friends the answer is yes. I know it seems crazy, but the only reason we are still friends is because he actually listened to me. What type of person would I be if I tell him to break up Cassie and then I cut him off? Part me wants to but I can't for so many reasons. First I can't because I ask him. I know that one is obvious, but there are other reasons. The second is because he is Jo's cousin. If I am going to be with her then I have to deal with him. I mean come on they are close, but not as close lately. I will get to that later. Third Dean is my friend. Why we are friend remains a mystery but he is. I said long ago I wouldn't take sides when they first got together. Even if Dean broke up with him on his own I would still have to be his friend because I promised one drunken night we would be friend no matter what. I don't know about you but I never break a promise. Just like when I promised Cassie I would always be here for him no matter what.

When I promised that I meant I would always do what was best for him, even if he didn't like. If that means he would hate me then so be it, but our mother died and someone had to look out for him. Even if that means him having a broken heart and me having to force feed him and force him into anything else. What I am doing is for the best.

Speaking of forcing him, I am standing in the door way of his room watching him. He is just lying there on his bed looking at the ceiling. He has a TV, stereo, and computer in his room and I swear they are all collecting dust. Even his book case has dust on it. Look my brother is a neat freak, He is neater than me. I can go a couple days seeing dust on a surface but he can't. Soon as he sees a single speck of dust, there he is cleaning it .But, now his room looks like some abandon old house. He use to read but doesn't. I'm not lying his kindle even has dust. His TV which he use to watch his show and movies on like; Star Trek, How I Met Your Mother, Star Wars, True Blood, Game of Thrones, and Army Wives, he doesn't watch anymore. No lie he hasn't watched TV all summer. He just looks at the blank screen which I much like he is doing now.

Please do not get me started on his bed sheets. He has had the same sheets on his bed for like a month. When he changed them a month ago I thought he was making progress but after a week pass I realize he have liked the smell. See Cassie doesn't go longer than a week with the same sheets. Yeah he did change them after him and Dean did things, but now it's like he is hoping to smell him. I say this because I swear when he changed his bedding he put old sheet on it. I wouldn't put it past him. I tried laying in his bed a few time and they just smelled all types of wrong.

I am starting to think there was no hope for him. I am starting to think he was going to stay like this. I mean he is lying on his back staring at the ceiling with tears in his eyes. He doesn't cry because he thinks it's too weak and he has already showed too much weakness. I think he might actually stay like this. He might actually hold everything in. Not once has he told me how he is feeling. Yes I have asked. I have asked him so many times. I have asked him so many times I think I am starting to sound like a girl.

I got so tired of asking him that I asked Jo to talk to him. She wanted to talk to him at first but I convinced her to let me handle it. After a while I gave up, thinking he would talk to her I let her loose. I thought it would work but it didn't. She did try talking to him but all he did was stare into space. He did say something's though. He said things like, I'm fine and I don't want to talk about it.

Once Jo took a look at him, her attitude towards Dean changed. She was already mad when she found out he broke up with Cassie via letter but once she laid eyes on him she became furious. I was actually there when she cursed him out. I cannot tell you what she said. If I did I would feel ashamed, dirty, and any other word you can think of. Yeah their relationship has taken another hit. He refuses to tell her why he broke up with her. Whenever she asks, he just says he has his reasons, which just frustrates her. Sometimes I think she is madder at the fact that she doesn't know then Dean actually break up with Cassie. I love her though.

On the other hand, Dean and I relationship is so much different now. Both Jo and Cassie think I hate him. Yes it's what you might be thinking. Dean and I are pretending to be fighting. The day after Dean sent the letter I texted him to meet me at the park. We talked about how to handle this situation while I dodged his questions on why I forced him into breaking up with Cassie. Like I have said I have my reasons. Okay so back to what we agreed. We are still friends but we are just pretending to be in the middle of a fight. Of course he was against it, but after I pointed out he pretended to be straight for four years and that I was pretty sure he could fake this, he had nothing else to say. I love it when I troupe him. He can be so self-righteous at times.

So me and him are fake fighting. Cassie knows but being the zombie that he has become, he hasn't said anything to me about it. I told him how we got in a big "fight." I told him about that I was mad about the way he has treated him and that I ended our friendship and all he said was okay. Just okay, anytime I tell him anything about anything he always has something to say but he didn't. He just said okay. Where the hell is my brother? I miss him and I want him back.

So that is what I have been though the whole summer. I start school in two weeks and he has to leave for Cornell in like thirty six hours. He is all pack up thanks to me. I spent the last week packing his things. I don't think he even noticed. He is all pack and ready to go. Everything is a go except him. Me packing him brings me to now.

I am standing at his door listening to the painful silence trying to figure out what to say. I thank god that the song has stopped but I hate the quite. I am use to him being quiet but this is too much. He would have said something by now. I need to get him ready to go but how? I have been thinking about this for a week and yet I have come up with shit. How do I tell him to get over it and move on? I have been over it so many ways in my head and they all sound heartless. There is no easy way to talk to him. I just have to talk from the heart and hope he doesn't see though me. I am not ready for him to hate me.

"Cassie" I say so lightly as I eased my way into his room. There is no answer. I don't wait for him to respond if I do then I will be waiting a long time. "Hey, what you doing?" I ask as I step in to see him lying on his back looking at the ceiling. I haven't been I his room in like four hours and nothing has changed.

"Thinking" He says so dry. I bet he is thinking. I bet I know what he is thinking about. I would bet my whole trust fund on it.

"It looks like it." I say as I walk over to his bed. I stand there for a minute looking at him. He looks bad. He is almost a skeleton. I really underestimated how much he loved Dean. I knew he really loved him but I think that maybe it's more than I realized. Yes I am now coming to this conclusion. Don't judge me.

"Yeah" he says as I climb into bed with him. I lay next to him looking at the ceiling. I want to know what is so interesting. Maybe I missed something.

"So" I say trying to get to the point. I made up my mind I am not going to beat around the bush. I did that all summer and it has gotten me nowhere. I just hope he doesn't feel attacked.

"So" he says like he is asking a question. This might not go as planned. Then again there was no plan. I fail to come up with one.

"School starts in like the day after tomorrow." I say still looking up. Was that the right thing to say?

"Yeah it does." He says like he is uninterested. Okay it might not have been the right thing but it was the wrong thing.

"Are you ready?" I ask after a few minutes of silence. He was never a talkative person but damn it I need him to say something.

"I'm not going." He responses. My god this is progress. This is the most I have gotten out of him. Then again I never brought up school.

"Why not?"

"What's the point?" What' s the point? There are so many points. Like him having a career, like him meeting new people. It gives him something to do.

"You trust fund?" I say trying to find the most neutral thing I can think about. Money gets anybody attention. That is what runs the world.

"I don't care about that." He says as he refuses to look at me.

"Okay, you might not care about that but what about the experience?" I say hoping it will get him thinking.

"What experience?" he says after a long pause. "You mean the experience of me going to the same school as Dean. The same guy who broke up with me in a letter and since he did that I have to watch him be with other girls. Since then I have to watch him go on like his life is perfect while I am in hell. …. No thanks I have already done that." What he is saying is sad. It really is but he is starting to open up, now I have to just ease my way into it.

"It won't be like that?' I say looking at him as I turn my body.

"Won't it." He says finally looking at me. I wish he hadn't. His eyes are so sad they almost make me want to cry.

"No it won't." I say looking into them.

"Why not? I have to go to the same college with him and see him. I will see him around campus pretending to be something he isn't. I will see him and know there is nothing to do to change his mind? Wait pause. He wants to change his mind?

"Change his mind?" I ask wanting to know more.

"Yes Gabriel. Dean loves me. He has told me so many time including him breaking up with me. He loves me but doesn't want to be with me. How can I change that?" he says so sad. I am starting to feel a little bit of regret. Just a little, most me is still feeling like it's for the best.

"Is that what you have been thinking about this whole time? How you can change his mind?"

Cassie looks away for minute like he is thinking. I swear his eyes got a little wet. It took a minute before he answered. "Yes"

"So what did you come up with?" I ask a little hesitant. I was almost afraid to ask.

"Nothing" he says like he had been holding it for a while. He looks like he about to break again. Damn it I have on my good shirt.

"Nothing" I repeat. Shocked and glad my shirt won't have tear stains.

"Yes nothing. There is nothing I can do? Okay, I have gone though it in my head over and over again. I have tried to figure out what happen but I can't think of anything? So now I am faced with the actually fact that I have to attend college with him. I can't face him. I just can't. I love him but he doesn't want to be with me.

Now is the time. I have to tell him. I never told him I arranged for him to go to Cornell. I thought he would be mad but now I am thinking he might welcome it.

"What if I told you that you didn't have to go to school with him?" I say hoping he like the idea.

"Why even ask that?" He says looking dead in my eyes. The look he gives me tells me that he is pissed off at me for even bring it up.

"I ask because there might be hope."

"There is no hope. I go either to The University of Kansas, get a job and forfeit my trust, or join the service. I really don't want to any of those things, but I have no other options.

"What if there was a fourth option." I say as he finally gets out of bed.

"There isn't" He says standing up looking at me.

"But there is." I say getting out of his god awful smelly bed. I am so happy he got up. The smell was giving me a headache.

"I don't understand." He says looking at me from across his bed.

"Okay what I need to tell you something, but if I tell you can't get mad and know I was I only did this for you."

"I don't know" he says so unsure it's giving me a headache.

"Tell me you won't get mad." I say so forceful.

"Okay" he says after a few minutes of deliberating.

"Okay" I say taking a deep breath. "Look when you got accept into Cornell I sent off the paper work saying you would be attending"

I stand there waiting for a response. I stand there with him just looking at me. This is one of the few times I can't read his mind. I think my nerves are getting the best of me. I was prepared for him to be mad but not this soon. I thought I had at least four years.

"You did that?' he says with a smile. After going so long without him smiling his smile looks creepy.

"Yes" I say as he walks around the bed. He stops like two inched from me. He studies my face before he just stands there smiling at me right before he hugs me.

"Thank You" He says holding me tight.

"You're welcome" I say hugging him back.

"I don't know how and I don't think I want to know how or even why but I am just grateful you did this. " He says breaking our hug to look at me. His eyes aren't the same shade of blue but they are brighter than what I have become use to.

"Just know I did it for you." I say as we rest our hands on each other shoulder.

"Thank you Gabriel." he says with a smile. As quick as he smiled it disappeared from his face as he looks away. His eyes turn the same dark and pale color I have been seeing all summer.

"What is it?" I ask knowing there is more he has to say.

"I was just thinking….If I leave I might not ever come back." He says looking at me. He looks at me with such shame. It's the same shame I should be feeling.

Cassie leaving this time is different. It's not like before. I know he is serious this time. It's not really like the last time. I know if he leaves I might not ever get him back. At least not like before. It sucks and I don't want him gone but I also want him to be happy. Who am I to stop that? I am happier than I ever been, why shouldn't he be.

"I know" I say as I squeeze both of his shoulders to let him know it's okay.

"You know" He says surprised.

"Yes I do, but it's okay. Go to New York and start a new life and never look back, but don't ever forget to visit me and Jo every once and a while." I say smiling at him.

* * *

**So what did you think of the first chapter.**

**Do you feel bad for Cas?**

**Do you Wonder what is going though Dean's head. Spoilers... Dean pov is next.**

**Are you mad at Gabriel?**

**How the hell is Cas and dean and Cas going to meet again?**

**Tell me what you think and i will be back next week? **

**follow me on twitter akinsey_dawrite **


	2. Chapter 2 Dean

**Hello hello. How is everyone tonight. I hope you all doing well. Any who I am back with another chapter. I hope you like and I hope it raises some question for you guys that I will gladly answer in later chapters.**

**Don't forget to review. Tell me what you think. Reviews motivate me. **

* * *

**Chapter 2 Dean **

"Found it" My girlfriend of three months Anna yells as she comes out her closet. Yes I have a girlfriend. I know what you are thinking but before you make your comments let me explain. Just hear me out and then you are free to make your comments and judge.

Okay so I haven't seen or talked to Cas in eleven months. At first I was a wreck. Breaking up with him will always be one of the hardest things I ever have to do. I didn't want to end things with him. I wanted to love him for as long as he would let me, but I ended things with him because I love him.

He was willing to give up his hopes and dreams just to be with me. Now Cas giving up an Ivy League school might not seem like a big deal but it is. From the time I met up until about we were sixteen that is all he talked about. He talked about going there like his mother, majoring in something amazing and making her proud. He would bean whenever he talked about it. It was the one thing he was sure he wanted to do in life. How can I let him give that up.

Yes Gabriel bought it to my attention and yes I tried to find a way around but when it came down to it there was only one option. I had to let him go alone. I thought about going with him but I wouldn't have been happy. If I had gone with him I wouldn't have been able to attend college. It might not seem like it but going to college is important to me too. I always wanted to live on campus and take part in the new experiences. If I had gone to New York with him it would have been like that. Cornell isn't in New York City it's more like upstate New York.

If I moved with him I would have to give up school while he is there. I know if I really love him then it would be worth it, but again it's not that easy. Giving up going to college would mean I could end resenting him one day. I never want to feel that way about him. So logically I did the only I could. I had to let him go.

Now you must be wondering why I did it the way I did. Look leaving him a letter wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to do it face to face. Actually I hand a like two speeches planned out in my head. One was me telling the truth. I was going to tell him that I love him but I couldn't let him give up everything for me. I was going to tell him that he needed to go away to school and we couldn't be together because long distance relationships never work out. Yes there are some of you who might think different but let's face it nine times out of ten they don't. Plus with our history one of us might have messed up somewhere in the future ruining my relationship.

I thought about telling him that and I even thought about what he would say to me. I know what he would have said to me He would have said what he has told be before. He loves me and if it's good enough for me then it's good enough for him. Okay does he even know what he is saying to me. Does he not realize he is too good for me? I mean come on, why can't he see it? He is so much better than me in so many ways. Me knowing that made my decision a little easier. Let me make it clear what I did and how I came to the conclusion wasn't easy but knowing he deserves better than me helped me sleep at night.

Okay so I knew telling him the truth wouldn't work so I came up with my second speech. I came up with the idea of making him hate me. I didn't want him to hate me forever so I came up with the idea of me not ready for the type of relationship we would have. What I mean by type is a homosexual kind. Yes I was prepared to be strong for him but he didn't need to know that. I hoped by telling him I wasn't ready he would be mad but after a while he come around. I have to believe that. I have to believe our love is strong enough that we will find our way back to each other.

Now I know what you must be thinking. If I love him so much and I am want to grow old and die with him. Okay if I haven't said that yet that is how I feel. Okay if I feel that way then why would I break up with him in a letter? Look you should know I wrote that letter like twenty times before I got it right.

Before I tell you more about the letter I should tell you how I ended up leaving it seconds after the mail man dropped off the mail. After I broke up with Bella and Jo hung up with me my first thought was to go to Cas. On my way to him I thought about all the things that had happen between us and I came to one conclusion. It's all my fault. He has loved me for so long and I was so stupid not to see it. I have always loved him. I just didn't want to admit it.

I drove around thinking about us until I realized I was a block away from his house. I parked my car up the street from him staring at his house. That is when I came up with my speeches. I was all prepared to go in there and tell him my second one until I saw him come to door. I watch him stand on the step and look for my car. Luckily I parked far away enough where he couldn't see me., but I could see him. God I wished I didn't see him. Soon as I saw him I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. I would go in there all tough but soon as I laid eyes on him I would fold. I would fold right into his arms and push any thought of being away from him out of my mind.

I watched him for half an hour. He sat on his step looking for me. I had texted him that I need to talk to him. I can't tell you how many times I almost got out of that car. I am actually proud of myself for holding back. There were moments where I actually though my body was moving. I actually got as far as getting out of my car but I quickly got back inside before he noticed me. In my car he couldn't notice me but me being out of it he could have seen me.

So I watched him until he gave up and went back into the house. Once he was back in the house I decided it was time for me to go home and write him a letter. SO once I was in my room I started writing. First I started off by just breaking up with him. I came up with so many reasons I can't remember now but nothing felt right. Then I started off by telling him how much I loved him, but that only turned out to me making a vow I would be with him forever. So finally eight hours and a bunch of sheets from my notebook I came up with the perfect letter.

I never found out his reaction or how he was handling our break up. I did ask Jo and Gabriel but they wouldn't tell me. Jo would say I should call him and Gabriel would say its better I don't know. Gabriel thinks that helped but it only made things worse. I started imagine Cas heart break. If he was feeling half of what I was feeling then it must have hurt like hell.

No matter how I might make it seem but breaking up with him was horrible. For the first month I could barely breathe. The way I felt does sound like such a cliché but I don't care it's still the truth. Being away from him ripped my heart my heart out. I felt sick being apart from him and so on.

There were so many times when I almost ended up running to him I can't tell you how many times how I almost called him. I would call pull out my phone and stare at his number. I almost hit call like ten time a day. I even ended up at his house once. Yes I ended up at his house. I wanted him back. It was some time last July when I ended up there, but as my luck would have it Gabriel answered the door and he forced me away. I know how can Gabriel make me go away, since I barley listen to him but when it comes to Cas I can't help but open an ear.

I love him and want to give the best even if that means cursing me in the progress. Yes I said curse. Being cursed id the best way I can describe what I felt inside. What would you call it? What would you call being so inside your head that you are ready to scream but you can't because if you do then people will ask questions? They not only ask question but they ask too many question. I don't know if that makes sense. What I mean is people will ask me question that I don't know how to answer. I know I should answer them but I am just not ready.

I am not ready to relieve who I am just like I am not ready to relieve to Cas the truth about why I am broke up with him. It hurt me but it's for the best. Maybe the future will change but as if right now I have to break the curse.

So this brings me back to Anna. So after a couple months of being without him I found my self sick. I was sick of not talking to him, sick of not seeing him, sick of just not being near him. Since I broke up with him things have changed. I can't go over his house and pretend I am there for other reasons. I was so sick that when I started school I didn't think I could make it through the first semester.

I started doing so bad in my one math class that I almost flunked out. For the first couple weeks I was lost. When my first test came around I was lost but somehow I passed. I had no idea until my T.A. Came up to me a week later. My T.A. was Anna if you are wondering. She was the one who graded our test and she changed my answers so I would get an A. I thank god every day I used an pencil. If I didn't I don't know what would have happen.

I didn't know she changed my test at first. At first she would talk to me after class. You know small talk here and there. I thought she was pretty but I never saw her in any sexually way at first. Towards the end of the semester our talks started getting more interested. I can't remember what we talked about but I know we had to move it to the local coffee shop. Once we got sick of coffee, we moved it to lunch. This class was happen to take place in the convenient hours of lunch. Anyway after a few lunches we ended up having dinner and the rest is history.

Now don't get me wrong. It wasn't easy letting her in. I was just so desperate to take my mind off of Cas I need something. It just so happen that she fell into place. While it might have started out that way, it's not the same anymore. I actually like her. Yes it's not the same as it's with Cas but it's something.

It's something I know I don't have to put all my hopes in dreams in. It's something I know I can just enjoy without worrying about anybody changing my mind. Yes I still notice gus and there is this one guy I wouldn't getting my hands on but it's what I am feeling is starting to get more and more suppressed as the days go on. I call that a win. I knew all I had to do was find the right girl to get my mind off of everything.

"I don't understand why I have to wear a tie." I say as she pops her body up from underneath my bed.

"Because it's what you do when you go to a fancy restaurant." She says once she standing in front of me.

"Do I have too."

"Yes" she says with her sweet smile as she starts to a perfect knot. I'm glad she knows how to do this because I have trouble. Uncle Bobby showed me so many times and I still haven't gotten it just right.

"But why" I say whining.

"Oh stop."

"I don't want to go. Why do I have to go?" I really don't want to go. I hate that I have to dress in a monkey suit to go to some restaurant I can't afford. I don't understand why we couldn't go somewhere cheap. Now I am going to look like so kind of peace of crap because I can't afford this place. I do have a job but the bill will be my entire check. Gabriel of course agreed to pay for everything but how does that look. It doesn't look good.

Oh yeah I should tell you Anna and me are going to dinner with Jo and Gabriel to celebrate him buying a new house. How Gabriel can afford such a thing at twenty it beyond me. Come to thank about it him and Cas always had money but never told how they got it. I have asked before but they always said it was a story for another day. Of course that day never came. Jo might know but I don't want to ask her.

Things between us are only just getting back to normal. When I broke up with Cas she kind of got mad at me. It's more like she got full on mad at me. She refused to talk to me because she was ashamed of who I become. It hurt to hear her say that but I knew that someday she come around and eventually she did. She came around a couple months ago. We didn't just pick up where we left this time. No this time we had to take baby steps. We are almost there but I don't take she respects me yet.

"There." She says with a smile. Her fixing my tie brings me back to prom. I can't help but smile when I think of Cas fixing mine. There is actually a photo of that. Uncle Bobby accidentally took a photo of that. I'm glad he did. I might have went to prom with Bella but I don't consider that my real prom. My real prom started when she went home and I got to spend the night with Cas.

Man that was an amazing night. We did it for like five hours. It was nonstop too. We did it in every which way expect the one way I wanted to do it. He wouldn't let me top, but I don't care about that anymore. It was still amazing and I will never forget it.

See there I go again. I have to keep those thoughts out. If I just focus on Anna I might actually pull it off.

"What" She says looking at me.

"What?" I say looking at her.

"You just got this twinkle in your eyes. Dare I say it but you actually look like you were glowing." She says as her face turns red.

"Yeah I was but it because I was looking at you." I know what you might be thinking but come on. How can I tell her I was just remembering my ex-boyfriend? I can't tell her that.

"Oh well keep it up. I like it when you look at me like that." She says as she throws her arms around me and gives me a kiss. Of course she is standing on her tippy toes and I think it's kind of cute actually.

"Okay enough of that. I have to prepare myself for the night." She says walking away to look at her self in the mirror. As she fiddles with her curls I realize she is nervous.

"Why are you so nervous?" I ask as I walk up behind her.

"Because it's the first time I am meeting Jo and Gabriel. I mean what if they don't like me." She says as she turns to look at me.

"That's crazy how can they not like you." I say being careful not to say the L word. I refuse to say it if I don't mean it now.

"Well they might not. Yeah they loved your ex. Jo and her were best friends before she went away to Cornell. Gabriel was like a brother to her. I mean how can I fit in there." She says.

"You will. They will love you." I say looking into her eyes.

I should explain. When we first starting dating Anna asked me about my last relationship, I didn't know what to say? I didn't know how to explain it since my last relationship happen to be two relationships. I didn't want to lie to her so I started telling her about Cas since it was the one that was at the front of my mine. Everything went great I just avoided using pronouns but then she asked me my ex's name. I didn't know what to say or what to do? I just said the first thing to come to my mind. I told her my ex was Cas, but she assumed it was something short for a girl's name. I started to correct her but something in me took over and I told her that Cas was known as Cassie to family. It's not a lie though. Gabriel and Balthazar both call him Cassie.

"Are you sure?" she ask looking at me.

"I am sure." I say before we finish getting ready to go meet Jo and Gabriel for a night out on the town.

* * *

**Next chapter will take place at dinner. Spoiler alert it's from Jo's pov. Don't worry Castiel's pov will come soon. I know some of you might be wondering what is going on with him. **

**follow me on twitter. akinsey_dawrite **


	3. Chapter 3 Jo

**Hello every one. Thank you for reading but some reviews would be nice. I hope you enjoy and don't forget to tell me what you think.**

**Btw it might be from Jo's pov but it will set the tone for future chapter if you want them . i know how it ends so if you want to know too then tell me what you think **

* * *

**Chapter 3 Jo**

I don't know who to smack first. Should I hit Gabriel or should I hit Dean first. Of course I want to smack the shit out of the both of them but who first oh decisions decisions. Tonight should be a happy event but it's not. Instead I am sitting pretending to be happy when everything is just wrong. Everything out the three of us isn't right. By the three of us of course I mean Gabriel, Dean and myself.

Don't get me wrong I love Gabriel. I love him more than anything but lately things don't feel right. I am starting to think we might not be forever. I don't know how we got here. That's alie I know how we got here I just don't know how I let it start. Everything between us has been great and I have never trusted someone so much. I don't think I will be able to trust this much if I force to move on. I don't want to move on but someday I might. I will have to if Gabriel keeps doing what he doing.

He isn't cheating on me. I know and believe he isn't but he is hiding things from me. Gabriel has claimed to be in love with me for so long. He has claimed to want to spend the rest of his life with me for so long. Now that means a lot coming from any guy but when that guy is only fifteen years old it kind mean extra.

With that being said why is he still doesn't tell me everything. I don't need to know every detail about his day or even every little thing that goes though is mind. I have the rest of my life to figure that out but there are some things I need to know if I am going to commit the rest of my life to him.

Not to sound like gold digger but I need to know where he gets his money from. Last I check he worked for the student union selling hot dogs. So how the hell did he afford a brand new four bedroom two and half bath house with a big ass back yard. I really need to know. Gabriel has always had money to blow but never this big. At first I thought is dad gave him extra money. I mean it made sense in my head. His father left him and his brothers on their own at a young age and since he couldn't be there he gave them extra money out of guilt. I mean it is reasonable, but he won't tell me. Him not telling me is strike one.

Strike two is the way he treats me now. Gabriel doesn't respect me fully. He treats me like I am some 1950's house wife. He treats like that and I don't even live with him. It might seem like it since I stay with him seven days out of the week but I go home regular. I just don't sleep there anymore. I got so use to sleeping next to him that I can't sleep alone anymore.

I don't live with him but it's like we do and now he wants to make it official. Yup he wants to move in with me or me move into his new house. Now any other girl would love this but I don't. what is wrong with me? No I know what is wrong. Gabriel won't tell me anything that has to do with the future we are supposed to have together. How can I commit to a future I have no clue about.

It's so frustrating but I can't deal with this right now. Right now I am at a lovely diner with my wonderful boyfriend and my unbelievable cousin and his beard I mean girlfriend. Oh hell I meant beard. That is what she is. Like it or not but it's the truth. Dean might be a lot of things but straight is one of them.

I actually feel bad for this girl. She is pretty and smart and kind of funny. It's actually kind of sad really. She really likes him and get just pretends. I can actually see myself being friends with her but I can't. I liked Bella I did. I thought she was a bit stupid and naive but I really had nothing against the girl, but I always knew that they weren't meant to be. Since I knew that I never became close to her, and then there's Cas. Him and Dean were best friends and Gabriel brother so why couldn't we become close. It took some time but we became close. So close that I consider him my best friend. So close that when Dean broke up with him I became hurt. I hurt so much I actually hated Dean for a while. How could he hurt Cas? Cas is such a good guy who is totally hot, and loyal, and he would never told hide anything or cheat on the person he is with. He is such a good guy and Dean would be lucky to have him and be stupid not see what he is giving up.

Okay I have to stop. Just thinking about this is making me heated in so many ways and I really don't want to cause anymore issues. There is enough floating around plus I miss my cousin and I want to get back to where we use to be able to talk about anything. I miss that we use to be friends.

I want to be friends but I can't help but judge him tonight. How can he bring this wonderful girl who he will end up hurting her. He is making her feel like part of the family when she isn't. She will never be. Being who Dean is she could never be who she hopes to be. My cousin is so wrong for doing this to her. Why can't he just be who he is?

Uggg I need to get out of my head. Right now I have to focus on dinner. This is a celebration. Gabriel renewed his friendship with Dean as did I. Gabriel bought a house and wants me to move in with me. Not only will I move with him but he wants to put my name on the deed but according to him he doesn't want to me to worry about bills. Okay I am starting to get beside myself again.

"So cheers to my new house, cheers to friendship old and new" Gabriel says looking at Anna. "And cheers to a new beginning" He says looking at me. When he looks at me I still feel this new and exciting feeling whenever he looks at me. Make no mistake I always feel like that whenever he looks at me but I am starting to think it isn't real. It can't be real as long as I feel like he hiding things from me.

"Cheers" Dean says breaking my train of thought as he holds up his soda. He is such a good actor. If you weren't paying close attention he would have you fooled. Every time she touches him he cringes a little. He relaxes his face but his eyes tell me that he is uneasy. Every time she tries to kiss him he gives he a small peck before turning away from her. It's like he can't look at her.

"I have to say I was very nervous about tonight but I am glad I came." Anna says.

"Why would you be so nerves?" I ask really not understanding where she was going.

"Well" she says so shyly. It's like she is kind of embarrassed to say what she wants to say. "Okay so-"

"Hold that thought sweetheart." Gabriel says as he looks at his annoyingly loud phone that is ringing at a very high unnecessary volume.

"Who is calling you?" I ask as I realize he isn't sure if he should answer.

"It's Cassie." He says looking at Dean. Dean look like he seen a ghost. He has become good at hiding emotions on his face but his eyes say it all. HE looks lost, confussed, happy and sad all at once.

"Answer it." I say.

"Okay" he says as he slides his finger across the screen. "Cassie, where the hell have you been?' Gabriel says as he stands up to walk out with the card.

"Sorry about that" Dean says to Anna like he is feeling guilty.

"You have nothing to apologize. Just as long as your ex isn't calling you." She says looking at him with such trust. OH that poor girl.

"You know" I say actually impress with my cousin being honest.

"Yes I do. I know about how Dean cheated on Bella and was too stupid to ever leave her. I know about all the things they went though."

"Wow" is all I can say. Maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he is starting to come around.

"Yeah that is actually what I was saying before she called."

"I'm sorry can you say that again?" I ask as I start to think I heard something wrong. Did she just say she.

"Of course but I was saying how I knew you and Gabriel were very close to her. I know you two are best friends or were I am not sure. We haven't talked about it much. I prefer to keep the past in the past." Anna continues to say something else but I tune her out as I make eye contact with Dean. He has this look on his face that is pleading with me not to say anything. I don't believe him I can't believe for a second I thought he had made progress.

"So what I miss" Gabriel says as he come s back to the table.

"Oh nothing we were just talking about how Dean told Anna about Cas." I say after he kisses me on the cheek.

"He did?" Gabriel ask surprised.

"Yes I did. I told Anna all about her." Dean says giving Gabriel a look. Gabriel says nothing as he stares back. It's like they are having a conversation telepathically. These two doing this is just adding to the laundry list on why I know Gabriel is hiding things from me.

"I am just surprised Dean told you about my sister." Gabriel says not missing a he really going through with this. Why would he do this? I don't to like anymore. I don't want to cover for Dean anymore.

"Sister, I didn't know she was your sister. Dean just said you were close to her." Anna says looking at him.

"I'm sorry I know I should have said she was Gabriel sister but I didn't think you would keep dating me if you knew she was part of the family." Dean says with such ease. Am I the only one bother about how we lie with such ease while hiding Dean stupid secret. I hate this. This is all so wrong. Cas is not a woman. He is a man. A real man who has never been afraid of who he is.

"I forgive you." She says touching his ace so gentle. I think she might be actually falling in love. Oh I feel so bad for her. She seems like such a nice girl, she doesn't deserve to get dragged in the mud. Maybe if I become friends with her I can convince her to leave Dean. It's not like he would care.

"So since we all know about Cassie." I say feeling so sick. I never call him that. Only his brothers call him that and personally I have always found it stupid and really disrespectful especially consider his sexuality but I have never said anything. If it doesn't bother him then it why should it bother me? "What did she have to say?" I ask hating the way I can just lie with such ease.

"Well" he says unsure. He looks at Dean and then at Anna before looking at me.

"Well" Dean asks a little eager. It was subtle but I know he is playing it cool. They haven't talked in such a long time I know he is dying to know something about him. HE needs to know he is so hungry for information. Both Gabriel and me have refused to share anything info on him. We talk to him all the time but we don't tell Dena.

"Well Cassie said she is coming home for the summer?"

Oh shit. HE is coming home. I am curious to see how we will handle this.

Wow and i thought my biggest problem was that engagement ring i found in Gabriel things was my biggest problem.

This is just crazy at the beginning of the night i thought i had to figure how to tell Gabriel no when he ask to marry me now on top of that i have to lie foe Dean again and pretend CAs is a girl and probably keeping it from him too. I am too young for this shit.

* * *

**So what do you see happening with these four. DO you think they will be able to hide stuff from Anna like they did Bella. What do you think will happen next. Ask and i shall answer. **

**SO leave a review or two and i will be back next week. Hopefully i will not change the name of this story. **

**follow me on twitter. akinsey_dawrite **


	4. Chapter 4 Gabriel

**Chapter 4 Gabriel**

"Here you go Cotton. Just something I picked up for you." I say as I put a coat size box down in front of Jo. See I have a special night planned for us. We just official moved in together a week ago. Everything is now settled and I want is to official celebrate this weekend. We did celebrate with Dean and his girlfriend. I am not even going to comment on that right now. I am sure it will be bought up again,

I want to celebrate with us just being the two of us. Actually I have a whole day planned. She will wake up to breakfast in bed. I don't know what I am going to make but I have a few things barrowed down. Then once she has enjoyed her breakfast we will make love. Forty five minutes later I will place in her a bubble bath that I have ran for her. There I will wash her body after she has relaxed. Then once she's dressed she will find my credit card lying in rose petals with a letter telling her to enjoy about four hours of shopping before she is sent to the spa for a full treatment. Yes full treatment. That means full body massage, facial, then her hair, nails, feel, will be give expert care. It's not like she needs it. The woman is just beautiful in every way already.

Once she done at the spa, a limo will be waiting for her. Inside the limo will be bouquet of her favorite flowers. You'd think rose, lilies, or even tulips, but no. None of those are her favorite flower. It took me a few months to learn what her favorite flower was. I bought her countless flowers hoping she loved them. Now she always liked and appreciated them but she never told me. I always knew. I can tell the difference between her liking and loving something. That is why I make sure I give my all in the bed room area of our relationship.

But I learn what her favorite flower was when we went on a picnic at the end of last summer. It was the day after Cassie left. We missed him but we were happy he finally left his bedroom. We were so happy we went of a picnic to celebrate Cassie leaving and finally being totally alone. Yes Dean was still here but we didn't have to worry about the Destiel drama falling into her relationship. So we celebrated.

Half way through our lunch she picked up a Dead Dandelion. She looks at with such amaze before she speaks. She tells me that she loves these flowers. That so people might not consider them flowers because they are dead but they are wrong. They are wrong because if you blow on it and make a wish, the petals fly and land somewhere to create new life. Oh god I fell even more in love with her. I didn't think it was possible. That moment right then and there told me I had to start the rest of my life with her right away.

This brings me back to tonight. So once she gets in the Limo she will find a bouquet of dead dandelions with a note that tells her to make a wish because I promise to make all them and her dreams come true. Once inside the limo she will enjoy a glass of champagne. After a twenty minute ride, that's enough time for her to enjoy her drink. So after the ride she will meet me at one of the best restaurants in the one of the dresses she picked put to go with the shoes she bought. Jo can't pick an outfit before she knows what shoes will first. Hence why I made sure she went to a shoe store first. Actually I sent her to two. I made sure my baby had options. Once she walks in the room she will enjoy a private meal with the two of us where at the end of desert I will present her with a diamond ring.

I will present the ring to her as promise. A promise to someday marry her, a promise to always make her happy and give her the life she deserves. I will make it clear that this is not an engagement ring. I know she isn't really for that. I know she still needs to time but I promise once I know she is ready which I will know without her telling me. I tell her I love her and this day was my way of thanking her for agreeing to move in with me.

Yeah I am going to get someone on Saturday. I hope I get some. I haven't gotten any since before we moved in together. That was like almost a month ago. Something is wrong with my cotton but I plan to figure it out. If I can't figure it out by Saturday then we will just have to talk about ti then. I refuse to let it mess anything else. I know most guys wouldn't but I am going by what my Dad use to say about my mom whenever me and brother were in trouble. My Dad use to say "Happy Wife Happy Life." I know it is an old saying but there some truth on it. Just trust me on it.

"What's this?" Jo asks as she takes the extra-large bock in her hands. She shakes it like she does all the gifts I give her.

"Open it." I say as I stand in front of her with a wide smirk.

"Fine" she says in her playful way as she takes the ribbon off to look at what is so inside." Oh Gabriel she shouldn't have." She says pulling out the frame o gave her in a large book. I know she was expecting something else but I love I manage to trick her. I put enough towels in there to expect otherwise.

"Read it" I say knowing she didn't look at what's inside the frame.

"It looks like… a schedule… for Saturday." She says looking at me confused. I am so glad she is confused. I wanted her to be. I want to be able to explain it to her. Yay me for pulling it off.

"Yes it is." I say sitting down next to her. She still looks confused. I love it.

"It's your schedule for Saturday." I say as I lay next to her on our wrap around sofa. I lay next to her ever so gentle while the frame in her hand.

"Baby I don't understand." She says looking at the frame. Maybe I shouldn't have chosen the font to have it written it. It is kind of hard to understand.

"Well let me help you. See this mi amor is the plan for Saturday." I say right before her eyes finally read what is inside the frame.

"SO you planned a totally romantic night." She says happy but it's not the happy I wanted it more sarcastic and under minding. "You planned an expensive exciting night without asking me. You decided I had no plans and made some for me. You made plans that are so expensive that I have no idea how you are going to pay for them." She says as she looks at me like I am stupid. If she knew the truth she wouldn't think they were stupid. If she knew I would probably be able to avoid the argument we are about to ask. Man I wish I could tell her. I wish I could tell her but I can't and I have a feeling this problem might do some damage.

I know she hates this but I can't tell her. If I tell her it might change everything. I know I just know she will get angry at me from keeping the truth from her, but my mom said I shouldn't. That is what my mom said in one of the letters she left for me. She knew she was dying so she left us all six letters with instructions on the front. Each one told why we should open it. It's like just in case this happens. So one of the letters said in case you have to hide finances from your spouse. I never knew why that was there at first but now I do. I know legally Jo isn't but in so many ways she is. She might not cook or clean that much but she is still my wife.

"Please don't do this." I ask with a smile.

"Do what? So what she asks? "Don't start what don't start waning to know what is going on. What would you like me to do Gabriel? Would you like to be pretty and wear a smile and be happy you never ask me what I want to do. Or would you like to pretend there is nothing wrong with going through life with lying? Or would you like to do both?" she says as she stands up to love down at me.

"That's not fair. I never lied to you."

"NO but you do keep secrets…..I thought once we left high school keeping secrets would stop." She says folding her arms while giving me this most disappointing look.

"Stop it" I say as I feel the guilt rise in me as I lock into her eyes. I do have like two secrets but I can't tell her. If I tell her one secret then I have to put her in a position to lie or at least keep the secret which will bring her back to lying. Damn I can't win. IF I tell her my other then she might change or it might hurt our future. Yes keeping it from her might hurt us but it won't in the long wrong

"Stop What? Stop speaking the truth."

"You know I never keep stuff from you/ I know you hate secrets. I know you. I love you. "I say as I sit up to hug the lower part of her body.

"Yeah sure you do." She says a little begrudgingly as she pushes me off.

"Jo….please…I don't want to fight." I say as I stand up to watch her grab her pocket book and keys.

"It okay" she says as she swings the straps across her shoulder. "We aren't fighting. You love me. You know me. You want to give me expensive things not worry about anything. I get that. I love you for it. Forget I ever said anything." She says before she blows me a I can even say anything she is out the door and on her way to work.

"What just happen?" I say out loud confused as I stand next to the couch looking at the door.

"I don't know looks like she is upset about something." The voice behind me says.

"Really because I didn't notice." I say once I turn around to face my brother.

"What did you do?" He asks as he walks over to the chair next to couch to have a seat.

"Gee I don't know Cassie. If I know I would have fixed it." I say as I sit back on the couch to look at him. He got in late last night and didn't say much. He just came in and went to his new rom and fell asleep. Yes I bought house and gave my brother his own room. I figured eventually he might come and visit or something along that line.

"It doesn't look like it's going to be easy." He says like he knows about relationships. Please what does he know? He doesn't know shit. If he did he wouldn't still have a broken heart. Oh yes he still has one. He might not have mentioned Dean to me since the day Dean dropped off his infamous letter but I can still see Dean front and center in his mind. He might be showered, shaved, and smiling but I know deep down he is crying like a little baby.

"Let's just forget about Jo and me for now. We'll be fine." I say waving us off. "Let's talk about something else." I say hoping to get to the bottom of his return.

"Talk about what? We talk twice a week. It's not like I have been out of touch." He says titling his head in confusion.

"We talk but not about everything."

"What's everything?" he asks still confused.

"Like your love life. Have you been dating anybody or have you just been hitting everything that moves like normally."

"You want to discuss my love life like a couple of school girls."

"Yup." I say folding my arms and looking at him. I wonder if he knows I am using this as a gateway to what I really want to know.

I did talk to him twice a week since he left and knowing him he likes to work through his feelings with sex. Hell I don't have to tell you. If you were here during high school then you know my brother has a serious libido.

"You want to hear about my series of one night stands." He asks looking at me like it's strange.

"Not too much detail but I just want to make sure you aren't dwelling on the past and that you are long gone and moved on from your life here."

"Long gone and moved on from my life here." He repeats looking at me. He knows what I mean and I see he doesn't want to talk about it. Well too bad because I do. I be damned if I am having him make the same mistake. I do not like zombie Cassie.

"Yes I want to know if you have."

"I knew it. I knew you talking about my love life meant talking about him." He says as his eyes go dark.

"Him" I say hoping to get him to say his name.

"Yes him."

"So you can't say his name anymore." I ask trying to figure out what the hell he is up to. I know my brother and all it took was for one look at him to know he has something up his sleeve.

"I don't want to talk about."

"Of course you don't. You never do."

"So why bring it up." He says in this deep husky voice telling me to back off but of course I won't. I'm like a dog with a bone.

"Because Cassie, I want to know why you are here. You told me you weren't going to come back. You made it seem like this place was never going to be your home again and yet not even a year later you are back for the summer. I know school is out but it's not like you couldn't stay in New York for the summer. You can afford it. I know you made friends. So why are you here?" I say getting upset. Yes I wanted him to come back eventually but it is too soon. He should have stayed gone for a few more years. More like four. If he wanted to see me I would have went to him.

"I wanted to come visit my family and friends."

"What friends?" I ask suspicious. He barely has friends here. He has Jo and Meg. Nobody else.

"I have friends." He says defensive.

"Yeah who"

"Well there's you."

"I don't count I am your brother."

"There's Jo."

"Yeah my girlfriend who would have come to New York to see you with me. SO try again."

"Meg." He says like he is running out of answers.

"Okay fine Meg is your friend but I'm pretty sure she would pass up a chance to visit the big apple to see you. So what else you got?"

"Look I don't understand why it's such a big deal for me to come home for the summer."

"It is when you do it for the wrong reasons."

"Reasons like him." Cassie says as he looks at me with sorrow.

"Yes that him who name you cannot speak. The him who broke your very heart with a Dear John letter.

"I can say his name." he says defensive again.

"Then say it. Say you are not here to see Dean."

"I am not here to see him. I came to see you and the little bit of friends that I do have."

"Did you really? I ask feeling like he is lying but I think I am going to drop it. He is being stubborn and he wants to hide things from me. That's fine because I am hiding things from him too.

"Yes." He says so softly. Yup he is defiantly lying and he is defiantly keeping something and I am not going to drop it. Yes pot and kettle and all that good stuff but damn it I am his older brother and it's my job to protect him from making a stupid mistake.

"You might have but that isn't the only reason. Look I get it Dean broke up with you. He couldn't even do it face to face with you. He put you through hell and you want some closure. If that's true then I cannot be mad at you."

"Well you please let this go." He says as he runs his hand down his face.

"You should know I won't until you tell me what the hell cooking in the brain of your."

"Fine." He says before taking a deep breath. "You want to know the other reason I am here."

"Yes." I say already knowing the answer. Cassie is obvious here for a little revenge and closure.

"Okay fine." He says as he stands up to move next to me. "I want you to know I have given this a lot of thought and thanks to a serious of events back to school I came to a conclusion." Maybe I am wrong. I think I might be wrong. Oh dear father in heaven please me let me right. Please let Cassie be here for revenge and closure.

"Gabriel." He says as he places his hand on my shoulder to look me in the eyes. "I still love him and I am here to get him back."

"


	5. Chapter 5 Castiel

**Hello here is the next chapter. Don't forget to review and all the good stuff if you want to know what happens in college between our two couples. i promise you a fun annoying hurtful and happy ride. who knows maybe dean will get it together. **

* * *

**C****hapter 5 Castiel **

"I still love him and I am here to get him back." I say to my over bearing older brother. I wait for him to respond but he doesn't. I am shocked. Of all the reactions I imagined I never imagined he be sitting here next to me quiet. Is it wrong I am actually enjoying it? HE always has something to say. It's one of the many reasons he and Jo are meant to be.

"No" he says after a few minutes. I can barely hear him.

"I'm sorry" thinking I didn't hear him right. Why is he telling me no? I never asked his permission.

"No Cassie, just No." He says a little loud.

"How can you tell me no? I never asked you a question or your permission."

"What do you mean I can't tell you no. Oh course I can tell you no." he says louder. O great he is going to yell.

"It's my life."

"You're right. It's your life. You can do whatever you want with your life." He says a little too calm. He's only this clam when he is about to explode. Oh great I am home twenty four hours and I am about to fight with my brother.

"Why are you upset?" I ask as he tightens his mouth as he stands above me with his arms folded.

"I'm not upset…I'm just shocked." He says in a high pitch voice as he rolls his eyes.

"Why are you shocked?" It might seem like a stupid question but I don't think it is. After everything I been though with Dean plus the way we felt about each other and add in the fact that those feeling just don't go away. Also there's the fact that Dean and I always find our way back to each other. Whether we are chipped, cracked, or broken, we can always find a way to fix it. I know we can fix us. After all we are best friends first and true friends can work though anything.

"Why am I shocked?" he asks so dramatic. I just shake my head and let him keep talking. "Oh I don't maybe because Dean put you though a whole bunch of bull shit by being a coward who hides in the closest and hides behind girls he has no desire to have sex with. " he says throwing his hands up in the air. Typically Gabriel, everything is a stage act with him. It's funny actually. Never once has anybody ever ask me if I like guys but I have always had people ask me about him.

"I know but we always go through whatever happen."

"Yes and then he would do something stupid again." He says stomping his foot.

"Yes but this time will be different." I say so sure of myself. He can't question me. He just has to go on faith with me.

"How please tell how this will be different." He stays getting on his knees begging. He can't be serious.

"I just know it will. I know in heart we have something great."

'But how." He says still on his knees.

"Why are you on your knees." I ask getting a little creped out.

"Sorry" he says as he gets up to sit back on the couch. I don't understand why there is a wraparound sofa and a chair in the living room. IT's actually a little weird. "I just am a little thrown off today. He says like it's not normal. Gabriel is always a little thrown off. "Lucky Cassie I just don't get it. Why do you want to get back with Dean? I get you still love him. I just thought by now you realize that you have to move on." He says very calm again. He's getting angry again. Normally I would care but I don't this time.

"Cassie I think this is idea of yours is wrong."

"It's not an idea it's a goal and you should know when I set one I achieve it. " I don't understand why he is starting to fight me.

"It's stupid." Shot at me in such a venomous voice.

"How can you say that? You have gone on blind faith so many times in the past. " I shot at him as I felt anger to start to build in me.

"How can I say that? What do you mean How can I say that?" he says offended like it's impossible to understanding going on blind faith. No he says it like it is an immortal sin.

"You heard be." I shot at him.

"Cassie I don't under the question." He says again commonly. He is starting to scare me a little. His moods keep going up and down. I am afraid he is going to snap over the reason he is so upset and unfortunately I have yet to see reason.

"You should. You fail to give up with you and Jo even when all of us told you needed help. We called you crazy and all the things that relate to that. You ignored us and now look where you are. You're with the love of your life." I declared as I stood up abruptly.

"That's not the same thing." He says as he stand s up to look me in the eye.

"Oh, and how isn't it. You bet against the odds with Jo, why can't I?" I say not giving him a single blink.

"It's not the same. Jo and I had a chance but you and Dean didn't. We never lied to each other and we let nothing com between us." He says with a straight face. I think he might actually believe what he is saying.

"Oh that is such bull." I say holding my ground. I happen to know he is lying to her at this very moment.

"How?' he asks keeping his arm folded with such confidence like I have nothing to hold my claim. I look my brother up and down letting him know with my body language that I have something to hold my claim.

"The Family Secret." I sat after licking my lips.

"Psssh" Gabriel says while turning his head. "You think I keep that from her if legally I couldn't.'

"It didn't stop Mom." I say looking him dean in the eye daring him to dispute out mother. Now I might hold her high in my eyes and I know my brother holds her higher.

"You can't compare the two." He says before he bites his lip to turn away. I think I might have struck a nerve.

"Why not?" I say turning him around to face me.

"Because I am looking out for out future, but this isn't about me and Jo this is about you and it being your life and how you are free to make the dumbest decision yet." I look at him as he starts to heavily catch his breathe. It like he is mad and hyperventilating at the same time. "This about you going temporary insane."

"Insane" I say taken back. I don't understand how I am coming off insane. Maybe my brother is insane I mean he is at least looking like it. Gabriel has this crazy look on his face. His mouth is twisted and his eye is twitching.

"Yes Insane. At first I was confused but now I am seeing that you are just having a little psychotic episode.

"I don't think I'm that Novak." I say looking at him as he keeps this sparkle in his is starting to worry and piss me off at the same time.

"Oh no but you are." He says ever so nicely.

"Please tell me how." I say annoyed as I wait for him to spin some great big theory.

"Do you see yourself" I say pointing at his body. " Your mouth is twisted, your eye is twitching, and you are channeling all your energy in your foot which you have not stop tapping since we started this conversation. I don't understand. Why are you so upset?" I ask as he gives this look telling me his going to kill me.

"Why are you sitting here talking like a crazy person?"

"Okay I think we are done talking." I say as I roll my eyes.

"No we aren't. This conversation is just beginning. You can't just waltz in here and tell me you want to get back with guy who ripped your heart out and tore into a thousand pieces before setting it on fire."

"Okay now you are just being dramatic." I say feeling more frustrated.

"No Cassie I'm not. Do you not remember what happen over the last four years? Hell, do not remember what the hell happen to you last summer."

"Yes I remember and yes there were some bad times but there also were so good times, great times actually."

"I don't care if you two met the president and then went surfing with the Pope. You can't get back together with Dean. I cannot go through that again. I did not go through what I went though just for you to run back to him."

"What do you mean you did not go through what you went through?"

"Well" he says a little suspect. Okay now he won't look at me. Clearly he is hiding something. I can feel it.

"Well what?" I ask feeling like it is something bad. I actually think my brother did something behind my back. What am I saying? Gabriel would never do anything to hurt me.

"Look your relationship affected me too, if you don't recall. Not to mention all the times I covered for you two and the endless noise that use to come from your room. For like three years I slept with ear plugs.

"That is true." It is true but my gut is telling me there's more to the story.

"Yes and I was the one always there to pick up the pieces whenever he fucked up. I just don't want to see you get hurt again." He says with such soft eyes.

"I understand your concerns but that doesn't change how I feel. Now you don't have to like it but you have to respect it."

"But whyyyyyyy" Oh great he is starting to whine. I think it's time I ended this conversation.

"Okay I see that if I stay sitting here then this conversation will go on for hours and we still won't reach a conclusion ." I say feeling at my wits end as I start to stand.

"Wait" he says grabbing me. Oh here we go. I don't understand why my brother never became a actor. He would so good at it. "I just need to know what bought you to this conclusion." He begs.

I should tell him but I am not ready to talk about it. I am not exactly proud of my behavior and I never was forth coming about what I was up too. I did enjoy my time at Cornell and I do plan to go back but after what happen these past couple months I realize it was best I return here and sort things out with Dean. Whether we get back together or not I need some type of closure, but I am hoping to win him back.

"That a story for another day." I say as I break his grip on my pants. I don't want to talk about and I hope this is one of the few times he understands, but my gut tells me differently. Then again my gut tells me he is hiding something from me and I know my brother would never do that.

"Come on you tell me everything." He says as he stands up as he notice I am walking towards the door.

"You know you are starting to sound like a chick."

"Am Not" he says offended as I grab his car keys. "Wait where are you going?" he ask once I have the door open the door. Oh great, I know if I tell him it will be an argument. Then again if I say it fast enough maybe I can get out without hearing what he has to say. I do have the door half open. Maybe if I open it all the way I can get out without a word.

"Well" I say as I open the door while trying to figure out the distance between us. We are a good ten feet apart. If I quickly leave then I might be able to drive off without him catching me. Jo took her car so he has no way to follow to me.

"Well, what? Where are you going? Please tell me it's not what I think?' he says as he takes two steps forward. Okay he is now eight feet away. I can still out run or drive him.

"Well." I say as I take a deep breath while making sure I have everything I need.

"We both have said that." He says taking another step further. Okay now we seven steps. It's okay though I was a starter on the basketball and baseball team. Both couches told me I was fast. Add the fact that I run five days a week, I know I can out run him.

"Fine…I am going to his house."

* * *

**don't forget to review. spoilers next chap will be from cas pov **

**want to know what happens next then review **


	6. Chapter 6 Castiel

**Hello , I am back. Sorry it took so long. I started a new position at my job and got a raise so that took up much of my time. Hope all is well with you guys. Any who here is the next chap. Don't forget to tell me what you think. Don't forget to review.**

**Special shout out to ivebeenpoceesedbysatan. Thank you so much for the review. I promise answer to come so you can know exactly how you feel. Please enjoy this chapter and don't forget to tell me what you think. Love you lots babe **

* * *

**Chapter 6 Castiel **

I know what you are thinking. I know you think I am crazy. I know you are thinking how can I want Dean after everything we have been though. How can I want Dean back after he broke up with what Gabriel would call a Dear John letter? I really don't know exactly what a Dear John letter is but Gabriel swears it's what Dean left me.

Some people might say that I am crazy and that Dean doesn't deserve me. I don't know who these people are since the only people who know about my break up are Gabriel, Jo, Dean, and myself. Balthazar doesn't even know. I haven't really talked to him much in the past year. I have had a few phone conversations with him here and there but he is too busy with his life in London to care about what is going on here. He's a lot like my father but I will not get into that right now. Right now I am focused on getting Dean back. Yes I know that Dean should be the one begging for my forgiveness but he isn't. Instead I am going to him. I know you must be confused. So let me start from the beginning.

Well I won't start from the beginning. If you are here now then you already know what has happen in four year relationship that is me and Dean. When I say from the beginning I mean the moment Dean and I broke up. When we broke up everything stopped. I won't sit up here and try to tell you how my heart felt in that moment. Instead I will tell you how I felt the whole summer.

You know how people always say they couldn't breathe. Well I couldn't, but it wasn't the type of couldn't breathe when you are on dry land. When you are on dry land and you can't breathe it's like you are breathing nothing in. Well I wish that was that case. I would have loved to let nothing in but when he left it me it felt completely different. Instead I felt like I was drowning.

I have never drown before but I imagine that it is painful. I imagine that if you drown you are gasping for air but all that is getting into your lungs is water which I imagine isn't pleasant. I know that I am not painting a good picture for you but that is all I willing to say about how I felt last summer. I really do not feel like getting into it.

Instead I will just say that after we broke up and I spent the entire summer inside my head searching for a reason I have now found one. It wasn't easy. When Gabriel told me I still had a chance at Cornell I was happy and anger at the same time but I never asked questions. I didn't want to know the answers. I know my brother is hiding something from me and I don't want to know. I fear that it damage our relationship and I don't and can't risk that right now.

Instead of asking questions I choose to focus on the positive and looked at it as a way to escape without having him or Jo barking at me about me running away from my problems. I saw Cornell as a way to leave Dean in the past. That is what I least thought.

When I got to New York I saw it as a new beginning but I was still hurt. I had no idea how I was going to start over. That is until…wait a minute. Gabriel is too busy saying something that I can't drown out. I was doing a good job of it until now.

Why is my brother so fast? I thought that I would be able to escape him but I under estimated him and me. I under estimated how fast he could run and I under estimated knowing where he would park his car. Usually he parks right in front of the house but just my luck he parks it down the street and I had trouble finding it. By the time I found it he was already on my heel giving me some kind of speech that what I am doing is all wrong.

What I am doing isn't wrong. Not when you look at it how I have. Yes Dean have done some unforgiveable things but I failed to take one thing into account. He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. In simple words he is in the closet and doesn't know how to process his feelings. I never really took into account that he never knew how to process. We talked about a lot and never acknowledge the fact that he was gay and how to handle those feelings. I always knew but I never really bought it up to him. I kind of talk to him about ti but we never went into detail. I know that is where we went wrong .See….. okay I have to stop talking because Gabriel won't.

"Why are you even here" I ask as he stops beside me. Right now we are standing outside of Dean house. I wish he wasn't here but he jumped into the passenger seat when I finally found the car.

"You kidding right?" He say as he looks at me like I am stupid.

"NO" I say giving him a look.

"Really" he says staring at me as I stare right back. "Unbelievable, it's like you haven't heard a word I have been saying." He says like he is half offended and half annoyed." I admit I haven't half a word he has said this whole time. It wasn't supportive so I didn't want to hear it.

"Gabriel, I don't understand why you are even here. You made it clear back at the house how you feel and I made it clear I don't agree, why can't you just let it go."

"Are you serious? Why can't I let it go? Do you really need to ask me that?" Apparently if he is still following me.

"Yes" is all the words I can muster up. If I go in details he will just try and turn it against me.

"YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE!" he yells at me.

"Keep your voice down." I say to him. It's the middle of the night and I have plans to sneak into Dean's window. It's just like before.

'I will agree to that if you agree to turn around to go home." He say as I start to head towards th e side of the house where the tree I use to climb a hundred times. "Where are you going? This isn't turning around." He says as he follows me.

"Why can't you just go with the flow like you use to." I say as I stop at the tree to turn around and face him.

"Because I already know what is going to happen. Before I had faith but now I know that this is only going to end with you getting hurt."

"You don't know that." I say feeling irritated again. I swear if He wasn't my brother I would have beating him up by now.

"OH but I do Cassie." He says in a deep, calm and strong voice.

"How do you know? Dean and I love each other that is the one thing we never denied. Aren't you the one who told me that love matters the most." I say as I fold my arms under the branch that I always pulled myself on.

"Aren't you the one who always told me that sometime reality is reality and that we have to accept what has happen."

"Do not use me and Jo. We are totally different." He says wagging his pointer finger at me.

"Why not? Despite my many arguments you never listen to me and followed your heart."

"Yeah well this is different." He says a little to fast and a little to guilty.

"How so?' I ask staring right in the eye.

"It just is" he says as he body tenses up.

"Not good enough. I love Dean and I want to help him and I know no better way than to let him know I am not giving up on him."

I expected Gabriel to have some kind of answer but he didn't. He just studied me for a moment before he asked "What happen to you in New York."

I wish he wouldn't have asked me that. MY body tenses as I reflect back on my time in New York. Something did happen but I rather not talk about it now. All I will say is it bought me back here.

"Nothing" is all I say before I start to climb the tree. I know my brother can see right thought me and I know if I stand there long enough he will actually get me to admit what happen while I was at school. Like I said I don't want to talk about it. I just want to see Dean.

Can you believe it I am actually going to see him. I haven't seen him in so long. I wonder if he missed me as much as I missed him. I know he missed. Call me crazy but something in my gut tells me that there is more to our story than has been told.

I wonder if he still looks the same or if he has changed in anyway. You know what I don't care as long as its him I'd be happy anyway. I just have no idea what I am going to say to him. I admit that it's a little crazy for me to show up after a year but I don't care. I am talking a page out of my brothers crazy in love book and throwing caution to the wind.

I have climbed this tree so many times before but for some reason tonight it feels like the very first time. I guess this is a new beginning with us.

After like five minutes I finally reached the top. I left knew it would give me a direct view into Dean's window.

There he is lying in his bed but unfortunately he was not alone. I wish I was imaging things but I know I'm not. I have blinked and rubbed my eyes at least five times, but I keep seeing the same imagine. There he is lying on his back while some small thin guy is bouncing on tip on him.

How can I be seeing this? I thought Dean was ashamed of who he was and needed help accepting the truth. I thought he was going to do everything in his power to resist the temptation but here he is lying on his back with some twink bouncing up and down his dick. I can't believe this. How can he do this? How could he tell me such lies? Why didn't he just say he wanted to be with a guy who would let him top. I would have let him top. I was going to let him top. That day I waited for him I was going to let him. See I have no problem with the act I just think that you can't let anybody do it. To me it is something special. I can't just let anybody do that and I couldn't let Dean as long as I had to share him. I think I am actually starting to hate him.

What am I saying? I can't hate him. I refuse to hate him. I now see what I was to him and I have no choice but accept him and move on. Dean likes guys and liked me but he just didn't love me. If he loved me then that would us in his room and not some random guy. At least I think it is. I don't know. My mother always taught me to never assume, so I won't.

Instead on just standing here like a creep I will climb down this and tree and go home. I will make due with my summer and never talk to him again. I refuse to let my emotions get the best of me.

"That was quick. What you blow your load as soon as he took off his clothes." My very inapproatie brother says once I jump off the finally branch.

"Why are you still here?" I ask ignoring his statement.

"Ummm you have the car keys so I was forced to wait for you." He says like I should have known."

"My apologizes. We can go home now." I say as I start to walk towards the car.

"Smartest thing you have said all night but I want to know what has happen." He says before I come to a sudden stop.

"What?" I say turning around to face him as I control my inner calm.

"You heard me. What happen?" He says as he folds is arms to take a stance. Great, he will stand here all night if I don't tell him and despite my inner clam I still want to get far away from here.

"Look" I say taking a breath. I might as well tell him if I don't someone might see us and I can only image it going worse than the last time someone saw me. "I went up there and he wasn't alone and before you ask I will tell you… Dean was in his room having sex with someone I don't know." I still cannot get over it. I know his segregate parents were home and he didn't care.

"Are you serious?" He asks shocked. Dare I say Gabriel didn't think that would happen?

"Yes" is all I can muster up in a neutral tone. Right now I am too concerned with someone seeing us. The last thing I need is Dean finding out I was here. I don't want to look like the one night stand that never went away. I am so proud of myself that I can say that without any type of emotion getting in the way. I have to say I have very good coping skills.

"Cassie I am so sorry. I never wanted you find out about Anna this way, but I must say I am surprised he could get it up with her."

"Anna?" I ask out loud as I question in my mind. Who is Anna? That's a female name. Even with the time I spent in New York I have never met a man straight, gay, bi, or drag with that name. It must me a female. Before I go on I never had relations with a drag queen. I did go to a drag bar with this one guy but that is part of my New York chapter which I do not feel like discussing.

"Oh No" Gabriel says like he just said too much.

"what do you mean oh no."

"Never mind Cassie. Forget I mentioned it." He says try to walk pass me but I stop him. I grab hi shoulder and turn him around. I give him a look telling him I mean business.

"Okay fine" after he engages with me in a staring match. "Anna is Dean's girlfriend." He says like he is guilty of some. Gabriel is guilty of something. I know that for sure but I know this is not it.

"Dean has a girlfriend? IS is serious?" I say as I don't even believe the words coming out my mouth but still I am able to control myself. I can't feel anything. It's like I am numb. I guess this is a good thing.

"Yes"he says guilty again.

After a few mintues of thinking about I only have one thing to say. "Okay"

"Okay… What the hell do you mean okay. It just can't be okay." He says more upset to me. "Cassie stop." He yells as he tries to stop me as I walk to the car. I stop just because I know this will turn into some kind of wrestling match and I am tried. Suddenly I feel to drained to put up any kind of fight.

"Gabriel please. I am okay. Dean has a girlfriend. I am okay with that. I just climb up a tree to see him but instead I saw him fucking some twink that clearly wasn't a girl and I am okay with that. We broke up a year ago and I never go closure. I am okay with that too. Everything is in the past and I am over it. SO please brother just let it go because I have. "

"Dam it no Cassie. I won't let it go. How can I let it go when it clearly upsets you?" He demands like a whinny child.

"I am fine. So please just let it go. Can we please go home now?" Soon as I say my peace we engage in a staring match. I hope this won't; last long but my brother is being kind of bull headed tonight. I hope he can I have no emotion about this what so ever and just let it go.

"So you are really okay." He says cautious as he eyes me up and down. I really can't stand him at times. Sometimes I wish he was more like Balthazar. He asks you something, you give him an answer. HE spends a second thinking about it and then he lets it go, but not Gabriel. Gabriel will give you fifty follow up questions followed by ten minutes of searching his gut before he ask you more questions before he decides to let it go. God bless Jo. Sometimes I don't know how a girl as amazing as her can put up with someone like him. Sometime I think if we weren't brother we would never be friends.

"Yes" I finally say when I feel our staring match reaching a close. "Are you?"

"Well" He says after another two minutes of silence. If you're okay then I'm okay." He say as he pats me on the back before we walk towards the car.

* * *

**SO what do you think.**

**Don't forget to review.**

**review and i will update sooner. **

**next chapter will be told from dean's pov **


	7. Chapter 7 Dean

**Hello I just want to say thank you arkham zombie for the review. I'm so happy you loved this story. hopefully u like this chapter as well **

**Chapter 7 Dean **

I'm an idiot. I'm a stupid stupid idiot. I claim I am going to change my ways and what do I do. I go out and pick up the first guy I see with a nice ass while my girlfriend is visiting her parents in Oklahoma. I could make excuses about why I did it but the reality is the love of my life slept fifteen minutes away from me and there is nothing I can do to get him back. I know he hates me and I hate myself for it.

HE's been back for like two weeks now and I have stopped myself every night from going over and declaring my love for him and telling him the truth but I know I can't. It's not best for us plus he probably wouldn't even listen to reason. For all I know he probably has moved on and hasn't given me a second thought. It's what I would have done.

IT's just so hard trying to get over someone when they are related to your friend and that friend is practically married to your cousin. I use to hang out with them like every other day but I have avoided them lately. Since I know Cas is staying with them I try to keep myself busy so I don't have to see him. It's been kind of easy so far. I spend most of my time with Anna who I still haven't slept with. I plan to do it one day but right now my hearts not in it. I'm just glad she doesn't ask to many questions. It only gets hard when she is at work or hanging with her friends. Whenever she is with friends I try to pick up extra shifts in my uncles Garage. I'm just glad Jo doesn't work here anymore. I thank who the ever the hell is up there that she took up bartending.

Uggggg I just want to beat the shit out of myself. How the hell did my life end up like this? I'm only nineteen and everything is out of whack. Why couldn't I be like every other guy I wne to high school with. They never had these kind of problems. My life should be like this. My life should be like Boy Meets World. I should be engaged to a great girl like Topanga which would be Bella. Cas should just be my best friend like Shawn was to Cory but no I had to get it messed up. I had to get the great the girl I dated since I was a kid but instead of falling in love with her I fell in love with my best friend who just happens to love me back. In what world does that make sense? To top it all off I was forced to break his heart for the great good or whatever you want to call. Everything about my life is wrong.

I should like women, I need to like women. My life would be so easy if I did. I know I was ready to tell the world who I was but ever since Gabriel stepped in and made me change things, I am starting to rethink a lot of things.

For one maybe I made the right decision of letting Cas go. Maybe it is wrong to love another man. Maybe everything I was starting to think was wrong. How can I walk though life with Cas being my lover, my best friend, my everything and expect it to go so good. Nothing good comes from these types of relationships.

Why is when I am thinking this all of this, the only thing that is racing through my mind I only have two thoughts. One whys can't I stop loving and missing him to no end and two why is it the other night felt so right. I can't remember this guy's name but I can remember the way it felt to be with him. When I was screwing him nothing seemed wrong, but after it was over everything felt wrong. I was overcome with all this guilt. I can only imagine it is because of I am not living my life the right way. You might think I am crazy but I also feel like Cas saw me. I know he couldn't have but for some reason I feel so ashamed of what I did because it would hurt him. I actually feel like I cheated on him. What is wrong with me?

"OH HELL NO!"

"What?" I say after Gabriel's voice breaks though my thoughts.

"You heard me?" He says as he stands up to face me.

"Really you can't say hello." I say as I look around his back yard.

I know he had a in ground pool but I never imagined to walk into his back yard to find to find him cleaning it himself shirtless. Why does he have to be shirtless right now? I never really took a look at him before. I always tried not to out of respect to our friendship and Jo, but right now I can't help but to notice him. He actually looks hot in the sun. I never knew he had muscles. I knew he was strong but I never imagined he had the muscle to go along with it. Not to mention he has the most beautiful bronzed skin right now to match his hair and eyes. Dare is say he actually looks hot.

"I know what you are thinking?" he says with the cutest little frown. Did I just think that? Oh no I have to stop. He is my friend and Cas's brother. Damn me I am going straight to hell.

"I doubt it" I say very cool. There is no way he knows I'm wondering how hard his abs are.

"When are you going to learn I am a lot smarter than you? I know exactly what you are thinking. I can see in your eyes."

"You can?" I say as I feel myself starting to sweat. Thank god it's summer. I can blame my sweating on the heat.

"Jesus" he says as he drops he smacks his forehead with the palm of his head. "How can you be this transparent. I have known you for long time too. I like to this we are friends… well sometimes and lately I think of you as one."

"Get to your point." I say starting to feel annoyed. How the hell is we friends? I have tried to figure it out for a long as time and I really can't find a reason. I guess I have to chalk it to to one of those things that can't be explain.

"Ohh someone is testy today." He teases.

"Gabriel" I snap as I forget how I was attracted to him for five minutes. You know I am actually glad he opened his mouth. It was all I need to smack me back to reality.

"Fine" he says fixing his face. "Now what was I saying. I am almost afraid to remind him. I really don't want to explain to him why I was checking him out. "Oh yeah" he says snapping his fingers.

"So what was I thinking." As I make myself comfortable on one of the lounge chairs alongside the pool.

"Do I really have to say it or can I just tell you not gone happen." He says as he drops the net he was using to clean the pool right before he sat next to me on the other chair.

"I think you exaggerating. I would never go that far."I say as I grad a water from the cooler in between the chairs.

"I call bullshit" he says he grabs a water bottle, cup and a bottle of juice.

"Yeah well me too." I say before I take a swing of water. I wish I hadn't soon as I start to chug I start to gag and spit what I now know as vodka out of my mouth.

"OH yeah, It's not water it's cherry flavor vodka." He says as he starts to mix himself a drink. I really can't stand him sometime. He has this smug look on his face while I am still trying to catch my breath.

"You could have warned me." I say after I have managed to breathe right.

"Well you could just tell me the truth instead of playing dumb." He says as he pulls his stupid sunglass off his head and on too his face.

"I swear you are a dick sometimes." I say as I lay back. I still have half a bottle left. Now that I know what it is I will drink it right.

"Diddo but name calling won't get us anywhere but then again that's where I want you get." He says as he takes a sip of his drink.

"Jesus Christ we are friend remember. Why would you even think that?" I say getting disgusted at the thought of being with him that way.

"True but I am also his big brother." He says looking at me over his glasses. Okay now I am confused.

"Now you have lost me. What are we talking about?" I ask looking at him.

"Unbelievable" he says looking at me. At least I think he is. His head is turned in my direction but I can't see his eyes. All I see is my reflection in his black shades.

"What is?" I ask still lost.

"You're lucky you're pretty because I don't see you making it though life with anything else."

"Stop calling me pretty. I'm a man. Women are pretty not men." I say starting to feel my blood boil.

"Yes you are a man. You are a man who is here to see Cassie." Okay now I see. He thinks I am here to see Cas. I admit I would love to just get a glimpse of him but I am not actually here to see him. I am actually here to see this dick. I need someone to talk too and I really don't feel like talking to Jo. I love her but she hard to talk to sometimes. She has this habit of yelling and hitting me when it comes to this subject.

"You think I am here to see him." I ask want to laugh. I can't believe I thought he knew I was checking him out.

"Well it's been two weeks since I last saw you so I can only conclude that is why you are here?' he says like he is offended.

"You're wrong?" I say as Cas starts to invade my thoughts. I wonder if he is here and what he is doing."

"He not here?" He says reading my mind. It's kind of scary though.

"Oh" is all I can say as I feel disappointment creep in.

"Yeah, he's out with Jo. I think they are shopping or something." He says a little sad.

"Why didn't you go?" I ask sensing things have only gotten worse between them. Last I check they were fighting a lot and I suspect things have only gotten worse.

"She didn't ask but let's change the subject" he says a little sad. I almost feel sad for him. He spent years wanting her and now that he has her things are working out. I would feel sad if I didn't know he was keeping things from her. I don't know what it is but I know it's something. He calls me stupid but he can be stupid at times too. My cousin would be a lot happier if he just told her the truth. I know her and no matter what she would stand beside him. She loves him that much. He should trust her more.

"Fine, what do you want to talk about?" I ask right before I take a sip oh the unnecessarily sweet vodka in my water bottle.

"Let's talk about you." He says getting hyper again. "What's going on with you?" he ask looking at me again. At least I think he is.

"What about me?" I say as the subject I want to talk about comes front in center in my mind.

"Well how's life. How's Anna. Have you turned her out yet?"

"Dude, that's my girlfriend?"

"SO that's a no." he says like he knows that I been with other people beside her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask offended.

"What it sounds like. You won't do your girlfriend but you probably have been doing twinks." He says like he knows for sure. How the hell does he know?

"Yeah" I say in shame. Normally I would argue him down but I really don't feel like it. I use to much energy fighting this part of me that keep trying to take over and there aren't that many people I can talk about it with. In fact there are only two. I kind of had one conversation about it with Cas but after he told me he was sure he was who he was I figured I shouldn't bother him with him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gabriel asks like he is pissed.

"I keep asking myself the same thing." I say before I think a sip and look into the sky.

"Seriously you are going to sit up here and play the martyr role like you don't know."

"I don't know." I say frustrated.

"Well let me tell you. YOU….ARE…GAY." he says like I am slow.

"I am not." I say offended. I'm not gay. I find women beautiful I just can't be sexual attracted to them. If I was really gay would I find them hideous.

"OH really" he says before he jumps out his chair to straddle my lap and kiss me so passionately.

"What the fuck?" I say as I push him off of me. I can't believe he really just did that.

"How did that feel?" he says as he picks himself off the ground to sit next to me.

"What do you mean how did that feel.?"

"When I kissed you what did you feel?" He ask like he already knew the answer.

"Gross." I say as I stick my tongue in my mouth, but it really didn't. IF he wasn't Gabriel I might have kissed him more and let go further. Although it didn't feel the same as whenever I kissed Cas but I did feel some kind of tingle in my pants. I am starting to think coming here was a big mistake.

"Right and that's why before you pushed me off seconds after I felt something jump in your shorts." He says as he lays back and grab his drink.

"How long you been wanting to do that?"

"About as long you have wanted to have sex with women."

"Fuck you" I say getting up.

"You might not have felt anything emotional but I know you like that kissed regardless.

"You're crazy" I say as I turn to look at him.

"And you're in denial and I have to say it's getting a little tiring."

"I am not" I say defensive.

"Then why is it the only person you have ever loved is a guy and why is it after you broke up with him you still carry a torch for him and why is it that you keep fucking guys but not your girlfriend." He says ever so calmly. Damn it I hate him when he is right. Am I really gay? What the fuck am I saying I am not gay? I am just a guy who got a little too close to a friend. Yes I wanted to spend my life with him but I believe that of I never would have fallen for him I would never be like this. All I have to do is stay strong. And one day I can beat it. One day I can be the man that Anna needs, I just need to get it out of my system. I know I have said that before but this time I really am. This time I will not fall off the wagon.

"You're wrong you know."

"About what; you still loving Cassie or about you being gay. Either way I think I am right."

"Were you right about breaking up with him?"

"You can't be serious right now. You forced me to break up with him."

"Who told you to listen to me?" he says with a look on his face I can't understand. Damn I wish I knew what he was thinking.

"I broke up with him because I loved him. Yes if you never would have put the idea in my head it might have taken me longer but eventually I would of done it but thanks to you I saved him from getting hurt."

"Yeah right, like you never hurt him before." HE says with his hands behind his head. How is he so calm when I ready to snap?

"Yes I hurt him before but I would have destroyed him if I stayed with him. AT least I did it at a time when he had something else to focus on. I owe that to you."

"What do you mean destroy him? You say that like you knew on some level you knew it wasn't forever." He says sitting up to look me in the eye. I think shit got serious. HE actually took his glasses off.

"We are friends right?" I ask before I go on.

"Oh course" he says looking at me with concern.

"So what I am about to tell you is between us as friends and not as Cas's ex and his older brother."

"Yes" not breaking contact. I always hated how the Novak's could always look at you with out blinking. It's just weird.

"Fine" I say before taking a deep breathe. "Look, I loved your brother and wanted to be with him but in the back of my mind I always knew that one day I would get over my sickness and break his heart. I'm just glad you bought Cornell to my attention because I realize that I would hurt him and he would before full of regret."

"I don't believe this." He says in such a soft tone. I don't know this tone and now I don't know what is going t happen next.

"Believe it." I say looking the ground. I feel so shame and guilt.

"I refuse to. Deano you're not sick. " he says with such reassuring.

"Yes I am." I say getting angry as I stand up. How dare he try and tell me this. Who the hell is does he think I am. He doesn't know what is going with me.

"No you're not." He says standing up keeping that calm tone.

"Fuck you. I came here to talk and all you're are going to do is go against what I have to say. Why could you just see I needed a friend. I just needed one to listen. I don't need your wrong opinions. I say yelling in his face.

"Wrong is that what you think. Dean there is nothing wrong with you. You were just born different. There is nothing wrong with that. He says as he places his hands on my shoulders.

"I was not born this way. This just happen to me." I say upset. I feel like I can cry and punch someone.

"No I'm not. You are just scared, but you don't have to be. I am your friend I will stand beside you and help you get through this. I will because one day you will feel like everything you are doing is write. One day everything will be better and you will find peace."

"You are right about one thing. I will find peace." I say right before I knck his hand s off of me before I start to storm away.

"Deano, wait." He yells as I start to take a feet.

"No, Gabriel I won't. I have let this consume me for too long it's time I deal with this. " I say with my back towards him. I can feel him standing behind me but I refuse to look at him. If I do we might fight but I don't want to hit him.

"How are you going to fix this? What are you going to do?" Okay that was concern. I know he is concerned but he has no reason to be.

"The only way I know how?" I say.

"Can you just tell me how? Regardless of anything I am here for you. Maybe I can help you." He says pleading. Wow I didn't think Gabriel knew how to beg anyone that wasn't Jo.

"Thanks buddy" I say as I look over my shoulder. Inside I want to hurt someone but on the outside I am remaining calm.

"Good, now tell me how I can help.  
"You can't help." I say over my shoulder. "I am going to fix this and I only know one way to do this and I don't need you to do this."

"Yeah and how is that?" he asks like he whenever he thinks I am doing something stupid. Him acting like this is why I am furious.

"The only way I know how. I am going to go to Anna's house and fuck her. If I can do that then I know I can eventually kick this."

I didn't wait for Gabriel to respond. I know he was saying something when I left but I paid him no mind. Coming here was a mistake and I know that now. Just like I now know I can't talk to him ever again about this. I see I am now alone in this world but it's okay because I know two things. One I will get over this one day and two even if I do get over this, I will always love Cas.

Confused, well welcome to my life

* * *

**don't forget to tell me what you think. **

**Have any questions? let me know i will happily answer them.**

**hope you like next chapter will be told from jo's pov but you are going want to read it. it catches up with her amd cas **


	8. Chapter 8 Jo

**Hello Every one, I hope you a safe holiday weekend. **

**Here is the next chapter. There won't be another update for at least a week. I have a crazy work schedule over the next week and i won't have time to write but i will be back.**

**For my viewers who like to skip over the gabe and jo chapters you are going want to do it this time. You skip this you will miss something.**

**To arkam zombie thank you for the review and to answer your questions there will be four stories. I originally planned the first one to be two but i decided against because i have a another story in mind. I am sorry for any confession. I hope you like this chapter.**

**SO with without anything else to say i give Jo**

* * *

**Chapter 8 Jo **

"HEY J.B." What the hell you doing in there, playing with yourself." Megs says as she pulls my dressing room door open to find me staring at myself. I think she is the only one that doesn't call me Jo besides Gabriel. Gabriel still calls me cotton to this day. It was name I once liked but now every time he says it, something doesn't feel right. I guess it's because me and me are clicking like we should lately.

"You know I like to stare at myself too but I usually do that in the privacy of my own room. " she says as she makes eye contact with me in the mirror."

"Sorry" I say giving her a smile.

"What's wrong?" She says after I turn around to look at her.

"Nothing worth mentioning." I say as I hold my left in hand in my right. Lately my hand has been feeling a little heavy. Ever since Gabriel gave me a pre engagement ring with the promise of a better one, it's been hard to lift my hand up. I know it sounds stupid but I don't feel right wearing his ring. I wish I felt differently but I don't.

"Bull shit."

"Meg I promise it's stupid." I say as I eye my beautiful expensive ring that I have no idea how he paid for it.

"I don't buy it." She says folding her arms and to give a death stare.

"You are just like a bull dog." I say with a chuckle. It's typical of her to do this. Whenever I am bothered with something she always forces me to talk about it and I love her for it. Whenever we talk she helps see clearly. That was something I use to do with my boyfriend but talking to him now is like talking to a wall.

"Well it is one of my responsibilities as you best friend."

"You're right but I don't think we should talk about it here."

"Your right we shouldn't stand here and have a whole conversation but we can start. Don't want people thinking we're screwing in here." She says with a sly smile.

"Oh you'd be so lucky." I say as I start to take the green cocktail dress I had tried on.

"Yeah yeah." She says flagging me off. "SO are you going to get it. You look hot in it. I was almost jealous when I walked in here."

"Almost" I say as the dress drops to the floor and I pick up my shorts.

"Yeah almost but then I remember how beautiful I am and was like why can't we both be hot."

"True" I say as I bottom them.

"So are you." She picking it up to put it on a hanger.  
"No, I can't afford it.: I say a little disappointed.

"In what world." She says turning to give a mock look of shock.

"In mine. I am a bartender who has to pay bills. That dress cost half of what I made the other night. Then you add in shoes and accessories everything I made would be gone." I say as I but my tank top back on and slip into my flip flops.

"That would be logical if you didn't have a boyfriend who spends money on you. I mean come Gabriel has some serious bank." She says as we exit the dressing room.

"My boyfriend is a cashier at a gas station. He makes minim wage and yet he continues to rack up serious debt. I will not be part of any of it." I say as we exit the store.

"Is that's what's wrong. You think Gabriel is spending more money than he has."

"Yes and whenever I try to bring up the subject of money he blows me off. I love him and want to be with him but I don't want to be with him while we live in a cardboard box."

"Are you sure you're not missing anything. He could have another source of income."

"Like what" I ask as we pass some stores to walk towards the food court located in the center of the mall.

"Maybe he has some money from left from when his mom died." She says as we take a seat.

"No I remember him saying after she died, after they buried her, whatever money was left over went to paying off there old house. " I say as I place my hand in my left cheek. It's like the ring is burning my face.

"Well there you go. Didn't they finally sell that house last year? Maybe he took what he got for that house to buy you this beautiful new one."

Maybe" I say as I think about it. It could a reason but it still doesn't make sense. "If that was the case why didn't he just tell me."

"Because men are morons. Come one you lived with biggest one of them your whole life." She says referring to Dean but I doubt I had to tell you that.

"Hey, that's my cousin." I say acting like I was offended.

"It's true and we both know it." I say nothing I just stick my tongue out at her thinking about what she said.

"Okay." I say after a few minutes of thought. "If what you are saying is true then how I can I know for sure.

"Well I see it three ways. One way is to just trust him and just wait for him to tell you in his own time. Maybe you hounding him is making him not want to tell you."

"No, I let this go for a while and I think wanting to know how our bills are paid isn't wrong."

"Okay pause, if he is paying all the bills why are you budgeting your money." She ask confused.

"Well one day I expect for everything to catch up with us and he won't have any money. So I am saving for a rainy day."

"That's smart."

"What's number two?"

"OH number two you can check his bank statements and see what is really going." I say as I feel guilty about the fact I might actually have to do this.

"I could. HE doesn't get paper statements. Everything is online but I'm sure I can guess his password." I say as I find it odd that I know all of his passwords but this one. That's really werid.

"And three you could just ask Castiel."

"I could- wait where is he." I can't believe I forgot he came with us. He had been with us the last two hours but he disappeared when I went to try on that dress. Damn it where the hell is he. HE has been acting really weird lately. I mean he is actually acting like he is all fine and dandy. Even after I heard what happen when he tried to pay Dean a visit. Which reminds I need to rip him a new one when I see him. He wants to get over guys but he is still fucking him. In what world does that make sense? Okay I need to calm down because between him and Gabriel I think I might actually explode but then again I think Cas might be the pone to explode more. Sure he seems fine but there is always a calm before the storm.

"Oh, he said something about going to Barn and Noble to get anew book.

"AND YOU LET HIM!" I yell as I spring from my chair.

"Yeah I didn't think it was a big deal." She says confused.

"WELL IT IS!" I say as I grab her by the arm to race to Barn and Noble. What is wrong with him? How can he do this? I hope he isn't doing what I think he is. I can't take anymore bullshit.

"Care to tell me what the problem is." Once we get into the store. I ignore her and rapidly start to search for him. I finally spot him near the in house Starbucks talking to a waiter.

"Shit" I say as I pull her inside an aisle and try to think about what to do next.

"Seriously what is the problem?" Meg asks half annoyed and half curious.

"He is. Him talking to that girl. He can't be doing that."

"Seriously, I know I said I wanted to hook up with him again but that doesn't mean he can't hook up with other people. I don't think of him like that no more." She says like she is actually flattered.

"Do you really think I drag you half way across the mall because I had a hunch he was hitting on a red head."

"Well when you put it like that." She says rolling her eyes.

"I thought so" as I turn to watch him still talk to Anna. It looks like he is flirting with her and it looks like she likes it but she is fighting his charms. I guess that's a good thing but I really wouldn't blame her if she gave in. She has been with Dean for almost a year and they haven't done the deed. I don't know how that go on.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on or do I have to figure it my damn self."

"Fine" I say as I turn around to face her. I started to tell her but Cas finally started walking by. Without any warning grab him and throw him up against a bookshelf. I'm pretty sure it made a bang. I hope no employees come looking.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I say as I press against him giving him an angry glare.

"Jo if I didn't know you like to play rough." He says with a small smile yet sexy smile.

"Don't play cute with me. I know what you were doing?" I say hold my glare.

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. That is your favorite line." I say still gripping his shirt. He kind of smells nice. I think it's sandalwood.

"Forgive me for buying a book but I don't understand why you are so upset with me. I can only watch you guys change so many times." He is so full of shit. He use to spend hours with me at the mall watching me try everything from earrings to shoes and now he had grown tired.

"Bullshit." I say getting angry. I thought these days were over and now some type of drama is starting he doesn't have to say it., but I know him and I know how our little group works. IT's one of my many problems right now.

"How is me buying a book wrong?" He ask with such an innocent face. Anybody else might buy it but I know him and I can feel him lying to me.

"You have a kindle, why couldn't you download your book." I say as I feel Meg galre at me.

"Sometimes I like to actually feel a book in my hand. IS that so wrong?' IT wouldn't be if I didn't know Gabriel let it sleep Dean had a girlfriend named Anna who just happen to work at this store and he was talking to her.

"I don't know you tell me." I say giving him a look letting him know I know.

"Jo I don't know what you are trying to say but I just wanted to buy a book." He says still keeping that innocent face.

"What about the girl you were talking to?" I ask as I start to feel myself let it go but I see he isn't going to budge.

"She was cute but I am more interested in seeing a certain brunette try on Victoria Secret's "he says giving Mega wink. I don't have to look behind me to know Meg is giving him some kind of sex face.

"Fine I say letting him go, but if you too want to be freaky do it on your own time." I say as I start to march away from them too. I'll let it go. I am tired of getting in the middle. Cas just lied to me. HE knows it and I know it but I no longer care what goes on. I need to focus on my relationship and making it work. I love Gabriel too much just to let him now.

* * *

**So what do you think?**

**DO you think Cas was playing dumb.**

**Do you think Jo might have a thing for cas and vice versa**

**DO you think there is any hope for Jo and Gabe.**

**Do you think Gabe will finally tell Jo where is money is coming from and why he is spending it**

**How bad so you want Dean CAs to see each other for the first time in like a year.**

**Here's an idea. Who's pov would you like to see next cas, dean, jo, Gabriel, meg, etc. I can write anyone that has already been mentioned. I can even do anna if you want. **

**Ask and you shall receive **

**Until next time everyone **


	9. Chapter 9 Destiel

**Guess who got off early tonight and had nothing to do. When i say early i mean before closing but it's still to late to do anything. Any who i got bored and wrote this. Warning i had wine before i wrote this. I hope you like.**

**To Alice: I did spilt the chapter but i could do it all honey. I promise you will get it really really soon but i didn't want to rush it. I should be back next time in the next seven days to update. hope you like**

**to the rest of you. Tell me what you think and i will try to get back to you in less than seven days **

**so review and i shall update**

* * *

**Chapter 9 Dean **

What happen to the days where girls wanted to wait? I use to hear stories in high school about guys who girlfriends wouldn't give it up. Hell I had one there for a while but of course she changed her mind. Even then I managed to have sex with her. What happen to me? I have a smoking hot girlfriend who never really pressed the sex issue until a week ago. I have no idea what happen. Maybe it was me sending her vibes though the universe or whatever you want to call it.

All I know is last week when I was at Gabriel I left there hell bent of banging her. I was ready to do until I realized I had some time to kill since she was at work. I wish I didn't. Somewhere in between me leaving his house and me at home getting the nerve up to actually do it, and me getting a text for me to meet her after work. I lost all interest. Again I wish I hadn't. When I got there she was naked and ready to go. Soon as I walked through the door she jumped on me and wanted me right there on the floor. Hot right, I was thinking the same thing.

There she was straddling me on the floor kissing me grinding against my body and I couldn't get it up. I mean not even semi hard. There was nothing there. I was so embarrassed. Of course I was more embarrassed once she noticed. She didn't say anything she just looked at me with such disappointment in her eyes. I wanted to kill myself. How can I not want her? I want to want her. I need to want her but I can't and it's not like I could tell her about my struggles.

She started to say something but I didn't want to hear it so I shut her up the only way I knew how. I flipped her over and went down on her until she begged me to stop. Okay so Gabriel says he loves doing it and it turns him on even more. I found it nasty and disgusting and any other word you can think of. I think I almost gaged a couple times. I almost stopped like ten times but I didn't. I kept thinking about her eyes and it made me keep going. She finally stopped me after like twenty minutes and two orgasms later. I was actually proud of myself when I was done. I never done it before but I just mimic the motions I use to feel Cas do on me. Plus that look was gone from her eyes.

The look was gone that day but it returned the next day when I saw her and it hasn't left her eyes all week. Every time I see her I feel worse and worse and I need to make it go away.I don't think I can go down on her again but I do think there is something else I can do. I can actually have sex with her but I realize now I need help.

"So can you help me?" I ask to Jo. IT's the second time I have asked her but she is ignoring me. Everything I have just told you I told her but she doesn't seem to care. She is too busy with her back turned to me on what looks like Gabriel's computer.

"What's" she says without even turning to look at me.

"I said can you help me?" I say as I sit on the edge of her and Gabriel bed. I didn't want lay back on it. I try to keep away from the stories of their sex life but sometimes things slip out and well you get the picture.

"Help you with what?" she says as she half turns to look at me.

"You're not even listening to me?" I say a little annoyed.

'Seriously." She deadpans "Dean I have listen to talk about this subject for five years now. I never missed a word. SO forgive me if once every five years I miss a sentence or too." She says giving me a look telling me I better not challenge her.

"SO you heard some of it." I say in a very careful voice.

"All but how I can help you." She says confused as she leans both arms on the back of her chair.

"I need to have sex with my girlfriend but I can't get it up." I say feel ashamed. "SO I need to get some assistance and since I can't go to a store to buy what I need. I was wondering if you knew someone at work that could help me." I say looking at the floor.

I counted the seconds until she answered me. It took her 271 seconds before she opened her mouth. "You can't be serious. You want to help you get boner pills from the local dealer who just happens to hang out at my job." She says like she is pissed off.

"Well what else am I supposed to do?" I say as start to the hard wood panels in their bedroom.

Sixty three is what I got to before she answered me again. "Fine" is all she said before she turn towards the computer to finish whatever she was doing.

To say I am shocked is an understatement. I expected an argument or some kind of speech before I at least got her to agree to let come to work with her.

"Fine." I ask as I get up to stand beside her. Once I am standing beside her she doesn't say anything. She keeps looking some kind of file on the screen. This doesn't feel right. This is not the Jo that I know. "Jo, you can't just say fine and expect me to be okay with it."

"What would you like me to say Dean?" she ask annoyed. She doesn't even look at me.

"I don't know. Usually you agrue with me if you don't agree. Wait are you telling me that you agree to what I doing?" I ask feeling ineasy.

"NO Dean, I don't but I learned a long time ago you are going to do what you want. I am done getting in the middle. It's your life." She says looking at me. I can't read her face. I usually can but the express she has is something new.

"Really?" I had to ask even though I am sure she is ready to hit me. This just doesn't seem real.

"Yes, really. You can come to work with me and get what you need, but only if you get the hell out my house and just meet me at six." She says pointing her finger at me.

"You got it." I say before I make a bee line for the door. I am not about look a gifted horse in the mouth.

**Cas**

I lied to Jo. I never lie to her. I have lied to my both of my brothers, I have lied to my father, I lied to my deceased mother, and I have even lied to Dean. I know it seems like I am honest person but I have lied to many people for many people for what I like to think is the right reasons but I have never lied to Jo. I have always been honest with her and a week ago I lied to her. I feel terrible about it. I can see why Gabriel and Dean have lied to her. She can come across hostile and hard to talk at times but she has never been that way to me. To me she has always been this person that can read what you need and want and can somehow find a balance between it and make me feel at ease. She is my best friend and I feel terrible for lying to her but I had too.

When I found out Dean had a girlfriend named Anna I didn't react how I thought I would. When I look back at it I thought I would feel all kinds of emotions but I didn't. I only felt one kind. I felt curious. So I found out who she was. I won't bore you with the detail but I found out she worked at Barns and Noble in the same mall Jo and Meg likes to shop at. So I invited myself along for the trip and found a way to sneak away. AT first I just wanted to see her, and have a small conversation with her. I swear I must have been there a half hour before I actually found her. See at first I wanted to just check her out but now I have found myself drawn to her for some unknown reason. For that I have returned here every day hoping to see her. I have hoped to talk to her. I have only had four conversations with her but I return here every day and will continue to do so until I form whatever kind of connect I am supposed to have with her. Maybe it's the red hair maybe it's the sad eyes but something about her keeps me coming back.

I have to admit she is beautiful. Dean knows how to pick as my brother and Jo would call them beards. Dean knows how to pick his beards well. From the brief four conversation I have had with her I can see she is smart and witty. From my time in New York I have learned that is something you don't find in either every man or women you meet.

"Can I ask you a question?" She asks breaking me out of my train of thought. I look up at her trying to gather my words. Being around her make me nervous, sad, and scared at the same time.

"I believe you just did." I say as I look up from my mystery novel. I have been reading the same page for twenty minutes. I keep watching her as she works. I don't understand what Dean see's in her besides the obvious lady parts.

"Smart ass" She says rolling her eyes as she leans on the table with one hand.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be I like it." She says giving me a warm smile.

"Fine but what did you want to know."

"Okay so know I said I have a few questions but it's actually more than one." She says still giving me such a smile. Her smile is beautiful but it's no different from Bella's and Dean didn't love her.

"YOU come here every day. At least I think you do. I have only worked four days out of the last week. That isn't counting the day we met. You come here and stay for hours. Now usually people who come write and order coffee and ignore me. They never make conversation. They tip me lousy but you never do. SO why is that? Now hear me out. I am not trying to over step but you look lost or something. Why are you here?' She says finally taking a breather.

"I look lost." I say in shock. I don't feel lost and yet she sees it. Normally if Jo or Gabriel said such a thing I would argue them down. All three are wrong though. To feel lost you would have to feel something but I don't feel anything.,

"Yes and I want to know why/" she says as she sits in the chair next to me.

"I am not lost." I say confused as I look at her.

"Sure and I am a naturally red head." She says as she runs her fingers though her hair while connect her eyes at me and giving me another warm smile.

"I thought so." I say as I smile back.

'OH come oh tell me. You have talked to me more than anybody who has come in here and I consider that a sign. Plus I find myself wanting to know more than your name." she says as she places her hands on mine.  
"Your boyfriend won't mind." I say thinking of Dean.

"We aren't talking about me. We are talking about you?" She says now changing her smile from warm to devious.

"I don't think that is fare." I say still holding her hands.

"Your right….. SO how about you meet me around seven and we will have drinks and we trade secrets, but only as friends." She says as she pulls a hand out to point at.

"That sounds great but I am still under age. " I am feeling my excitement die down thanks to the legal drinking age.

"Not to worry, I know a place and a bartender who will serve us." She says flagging me off.

"You do?" I say faking shock but I think I know where and who she is talking about.

"I do so don't worry. SO meet me here at 6:30 and we will go."

"Sounds good" is all I can say as I eternally damn myself. I know we are going to Jo's job and know her. MY cover might be blown. Shit Shit shit.

**to be continued ...**

* * *

**SO what do you think will happen?**

**What do you think overall.**

**Please tell me.**


	10. Chapter 10 Jo Dean

**So i got off of work early then expected and had some time to kill. So i wrote this. Hope you like.**

**to Alice i hope you like and this chapter makes you happy.**

**This chapter is split into two parts first jo and then Dean **

**don't forget to review.**

* * *

**Chapter 11 Jo**

Of all the dumbest, stupidest, idiotic things Dean has done and said over the years. I think tonight he has reached a new level tonight. He is actually in the bathroom right now trying to by boner pills. He is such an idiot. Did he even think this though? What drug dealer carries that shit. I mean sure this guy can get you anything you need but come on Viagra though. Really.

I think I might have lost some respect for him today. When he told me this it took every ounce of strength in to not smack and yell at him. I am actually proud of myself. It's hard but I told myself that I am not getting involved anymore. I refuse to. Nothing good ever comes and plus I have my own problems. Call me selfish if you want but I am choosing to focus on my relationship instead of this Destiel bull shit. Can I even call them that? They aren't together. Hell they haven't even seen or spoken in over a year. You know what fuck it. Just me thinking about it is me getting involved.

Instead I am going to focus on getting though tonight. It's Wednesday and it's always dead. I am lucky to walk out of here with fifty bucks, but the other two days I work more than makes up for it. IT's just it sucks that tonight will be boring. I could talk to Dean's new friend but I rather keep my hands clean just in case he ever has any legal trouble. If anybody were to ever ask I would say I just poured the man drinks. I didn't even introduce him to Dean. I made him to do it himself.

Yup, tonight is going to be boring, Then again maybe not. You are not going to believe what I am looking at right now. Well maybe you will. Anna and Cas just walked into my bar together. They are together here. It doesn't shock me that he is with her or whatever he is going to call it but the fact that he actually bought her here. The fuck is worng with everybody. I think I might be the only sane one left. Oh shit they are walking right up to me. Okay time to put my game face on.

"Hey" I say as cheerful as I can. I am actually discussed at how well I can fake it. I think I really need to start making some changes in my life.

"Hey Jo" Anna says as they both take seats in front of me.

"Hey what are you doing here?" I say keeping my fake smile.

"Oh I just wanted to take my friend Clarence out for a drink but someone won't be twentt one for another year and some months." She says as she places her hand on his shoulder as he gives me an innocent grin.

"Clarence hun" I say as I fight the erg to just yell. I hate that I always want to yell. I don't want this. I just want to have some fun in my life and not have all this bull shit going on.

"Yeah oh forgive me Clarence this is Jo."

"OH you don't have to introduce us. We already know each other. Don't we Clarence." I know this might look like I am getting involved but I'm not. I really aren't. I am just trying to make sure that I don't have to cover up anymore lies later down the line if and when she fionds out he lives with me.

"Really" she says as the look in her eye changes.

"Yes. Jo and I live together."

"You do?" she says a little scared now. She is trying to play it off but I can see she didn't expect this.

"Yes she just happens to be my the love of my cousin Gabriel life." He says ever so flawlessly. I can't believe how natural it was for him to say that,\

"Really" she says keeping her cool.

"Yes" I say ever so happy as I am burning up on the inside. Did he really think I'd play along and act like I didn't know him? He didn't even ask me first. He just blind sides me after he lied to me last week. HE has some nerve.

"Right, so I am going to head to the bathroom and you can other a round of drinks." He says as he stands up to order drinks. I should warn him that Dean is in the bathroom. That would be the right thing to do, but I won't. I can clearly see Cas is in the middle of some kind of break down that Dean triggered last year. Maybe seeing him will help him with whatever is going on with him. Maybe him seeing Dean will help snap him out of it. Yeah Yeah I know that is getting involved but I can't help it this time. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. \

"So what will it be?" I say once he is gone.

"It's not what you think." She says almost pleading with me.

"I don't think anything. Now what will it be." I say as I left a glass up."

"Dean told me you always have an opinion about everything but not in a bad way. So I know you must be thinking something. Yeah I'm thinking what's going on in the bathroom. I see Dean's new friend sitting at a table but no Dean in sight.

"Look Anna, it's okay I get it. I know what happen between you and Dean and I get it. You two aren't having sex like never then what happened happens and then some guy I'm guessing you met at work knowing him ask you out. You being frustrated and not thinking said yes." I say as I place the glass down.

"I asked him out" she blurted out.

"Why?" I ask like I don't know. She isn't a dumb girl. No woman is when it comes to cheating. If she really wanted to cheat she wouldn't have bought him here. No she bought him here so I'd see her and I run back and tell Dean. Oh this bitch. Are there no more straight forward people in the world? I am actually start to wish tonight would have just stayed dead.

"I think you know" she says ashamed.

"I do and I hate to tell you this but I am not telling Dean. I'm not getting involved and plus he is here."

"What? Where?" she says panicking as she starts looking around.

"Doesn't matter." I say as I found myself about to lie. I actually was about to tell her Dean was in the back getting me beer. I actually was about to lie without thinking.

"Right." She says standing up.

"Where you going?" I ask as I notice she was about to leave.

"This was a bad idea. I'm leaving. I need to handle this differently." She says before she heads though the door. God I hope she meant that. It would be nice to know one person who really thinks.

Okay she's gone and I don't have to worry about that situation I only have one left to deal with and I can go back to having a boring night. Hell I'd take several boring night. I know it's worng but I miss the days when Cas was in New York. Ever sense he been back it's like things have become intense. Yes Gabriel and me had some arguments but our problems really did start to right around the time he called and said he was going home. Okay I'm lying. We had problems but they just didn't feel as bad, but if you take away the one thing that is wrong everything was right. Meg and Dean called it boring but I loved every boring minute of it.

Now don't get me wrong I am not blaming Cas for anything. If I did have to blame anyone it would be Dean. I get at first he had trouble but damn it it's been five years and it seems like we are still in ninth grade and I hate it. I just want things to change.

"See ya Jo" Deans says as he pops out of now where.

"You get what you need?"

"Like you care." He snaps at me before he storms out the door. I think he might me mad at me and I frankly don't care. Guess he ran into Cas in the bathroom. I wonder what happen.

'Thanks a lot." Right on que.

"You're welcome. What did I do?" Like I don't know.

"You could have told me Dean was here." He says.

"I thought you didn't care." I say as I pull out two shot glasses and a bottle of Jack.

"I don't but I was here with Anna, who I'm guessing has left." He says loking around.

"Yup" I say as I pour us a shot.

"Thanks" he says as he owns both shots back to back.

"You know for someone who doesn't care, downing those two shots sure does look like it." I say as I por two more. Maybe he'll let me actually drink one this time.

"I don't. It's just things could have gotten awkward or whatever if he saw I was here with her. " he says he takes another shot.

"IF you say so." I say as I pull a bottle of beer of the well and hand it to him.

"Thanks" he says before he takes a swig. "Okay let me hear it."

"Hear what." I say playing innocent.

"Oh come on. I know you have something to say. I know you must be mad I lied to you." I knew it. I knew he lied to me.

"I have nothing to say."

"Nothing." He says looking at me as he holds his beer to his motuh.

"Nope."

"Now you're lying to me."

"I don't lie."

"You are now."

"No I'm not. I just want to know one thing."

"I knew it." He says with a smile.

"Are you going to keep me company all night or are you leaving early too."

"That depends. Are you going to act like you have no opinion at all about me showing up with Anna?"

"No." I say as I fight the erg to do what I am known for.

"OH I get it."

"Get what?"

"You are using reverse psychology on me. You think if you say nothing. I will tell you everything."

"No" I say with a chuckle.

"NO what?' she says lifting an eyebrow.

"Just no okay. I know you think I am thinking something but no."

"SO you really have nothing to say."

"Nope" I say as I take a shot.

"Your lying but I'll leave it alone. This way we'll be even."

"Sure" I say as I pour us two more shots.

"So are you going to ask me about what happen in the bathroom."

"DO you want to talk about?" I say so calm and cool but really it's the only thing that has been on my mind since he took the first two shots. I am dying to know what happen.

"NO" he says taking the shot.

"Well okay. Let's get you drunk then." I say as I give him another shot.

**Dean**

OF all the things I imagined would happen today I never for once thought I would see him. I guess it's true what they say. Stop thinking about someone for a second and they will appear. I think I said it wrong but it happen. I ran into him at the sketchy bar that Jo works at. To make it worse he walked in right after I got finished making a business transaction.

I didn't get the pills, at least not today. At first the guy laughed he thought it was a joke but after he realize I was serious he said he didn't have any but he could get me some. He promised to get me what I need in three days and that I should come back then He did offer me some E. I thought about taking it but I don't I can wait three days for something I know I won't get addicted to.

I wish my night ended there but so as he walks out the door he comes in. At first I thought I was imagining things. None of this was real. I haven't seen him and so long and the by chance he just walks into the bathroom. No it wasn't real. None of this was real. Not him and not the way I was feeling.

On the outside I know I looked unfazed and frozen but on the inside I was in pain. My heart started jumping to fast I thought I was going to have an heart attack. My body started sweating as my stomach start doing flips. I was in the worse possible and all I wanted to do was just touch him. All I wanted to do was go back a year and change everything. I knew I missed him but I never knew how much until that moment.

Seeing him stand there looking at me the way he always did made me want to break down. I want to tell him I loved him and I was so sorry but I did nothing. I just stood there frozen like some kind of coward. I hated myself in that moment. Everything I am feeling is my fault. I did this and now I have deal with it. I have to deal with the fact that it's over between us. I have to deal with whatever he is about to do.

I thought he was going to hit me. I thought he was going do something but he did nothing. He just politely said hello and asks how I have been and I gave him one word responses. I came off so cold but I was nervous. I was too scared to do anything.

I just stared at him and then left once he excused himself to use the bathroom. I just ran out of the bathroom feeling angry. I as no I am so mad at Jo. How could she not give a heads up text? That's not like her. Something is up with her. Whatever is going on with her she is starting to change and not in a good way? She had some nerve to actually try and ask me if I got what I needed. It's not like she cared. If she did, tonight wouldn't have happened.

I just can't believe it. I saw the one person I probably will ever love and I couldn't even muster up two words to him. Tonight was my chance and l blew it. I will never get another chance

"_Tap Tap Tap"_ What was that? I know that sound. I use to live for that sound. Every night for four years I use to wait for that sound.

"Cas" I say out loud as I look over to my window. It's him. Castiel Novak is at my window again.

"Hello Dean" he says after I open my window. I swear I must be dreaming. I must have fell asleep at some point. I know I was lying in bed and somewhere pass the last six hours I must have fallen asleep.

"How? Why?" I say. I am starting to lose my train of thought.

"Are you going to let me in?" he says with a sexy smirk.

* * *

**so what did you think?**

**Any comment or question let me know. Who's pov CAs or Dean **

**hope you excited for the next chapter. I have to actually close tomorrow so i won't be back for a couple days maybe Wednesday if you are wondering**


	11. Chapter 11 Castiel

**Hey guys. I'm back with a new chapter hope you like. Don't forget to review.**

**Thank you sonya for the review. Hey babe better late then never right. Hope you like Cas in this one. I was trying for something a little different. **

* * *

**C****hapter 12 Castiel**

When you love someone heart and soul and they leave you. You are supposed to feel things. You are supposed to feel things like pain, anger, and hate. When they leave you with out an explanation, you are supposed to drive yourself crazy looking for answers. When you break up with this person you are supposed to feel something. Things like happiness anger, hate, you name it you are supposed to feel it. You are supposed to feel like you are going to die.

Dean broke up with me and I did get angry and sad. For a day I broke down and felt all of these emotions. I cried in my brother's arms until I fell asleep. For twenty four hours I was able to feel. Then I feel asleep. I fell into this deep peaceful sleep where I had happy dreams and was so relaxed. Nothing was wrong but then I woke up.

I woke up and I could feel nothing. I couldn't feel the sir from my air conditioner, I didn't feel the sheets on my skin, and I could feel the huger in my stomach. Don't get me wrong I knew the air conditioner was keeping me cool, I knew the sheets were on my skin, and I knew I was hungry but I couldn't feel them. It was like my body broke into two parts. It was like the part of my brain that knew all these things still worked but the part that help me feel these things had broken. What I am saying I could feel it physically but I couldn't feel it emotionally.

The part of my brain that helped me feel was gone and I didn't know how to fix it. So I laid in bed all summer thinking how can I get it back. How can I feel again? Nothing else matted. All I wanted to do was to feel. I spent the whole summer trying to figure it out but it didn't seem like it. It felt like two days but when Gabriel came to me and told me it was time to start college I learned I spent the whole summer.

I can't remember anything from last year. I can't remember eating, I can't remember going to the bathroom, I can't remember him coming in my room and talking to be. All I remember is lying in bed trying to remember how to feel.

I wanted to feel but there was something telling me I didn't want to. Of course I didn't listen. I went to New York trying to feel but it didn't happen. It was like the more I tried to feel the more this nagging feeling told me no and made it harder. So somewhere around Thanksgiving I decided to give up and just enjoy the fact what I could do.

Me giving up gave a new found freedom. Now I have always been able to have one night stands but that was only when I was looking for a distraction so I was interested in seeing how I could have sex without being able to feel nothing. Turns out it was easier than you would think. I spent months hooking up with all types of people. I hooked up with girls and guys of all kinds feeling nothing. I will admit that a part of me wanted to get that part back but I tried. Nothing happen if you are wondering.

Nothing happen until I met this guy. I don't really want to talk about him and what happen between us but I will tell you this. He helped me realize what that feeling was. He helped me realize I couldn't feel. It became so clear me. I couldn't feel because of Dean. How did I miss it? Me not be able to feel all started with him and I realize if I wanted to feel I need to get back with him. I loved him and he did something to me that only he could cure.

Just being near him is helping me feel again. I'm still not angry. I'm still not hurt but I am able to feel things. IT's only small things but I am still able to feel and I am not ready to give that up.

Soon as I arrived in Lawrence I started feeling something. I think it was nerves but I welcomed it because it was more than what I felt in a year. When I went to see him that night Gabriel tagged along I knew I was going to feel something and I did. I just don't know what it is. It isn't jealousy or anger but it was something. It was something I couldn't identify but it was a feeling I wasn't ready to talk about because I didn't know what it was and I still don't know.

The same feeling came again when I saw him in the bathroom. Jo might not think I know what I going on with her but I know. She is fed up and doesn't want any part of what is going on and if I had my way I would have never put her in the situation with Anna. I had a feeling she was taking me to her bar but I didn't realize until we arrived. Then it was too late.

Okay so I will fast forward. I went to the bathroom and there Dean was. I was shocked to see him there. I didn't know what to say or do but something happened. When I felt him I felt something. What is was I still don't know but for the first time I felt my heart beat. I felt it beat for real. I knew in that moment I knew only he could make me feel.

Feeling something did something to me. It's like I turned into an addict and he was my only drug. I wanted to feel more. I need more but I fought it. I fought it because I did want to fall off the wagon. So I made small talk and took a piss. I thought it ended it there.

I thought it ended there but Jo kept serving me drinks. I took every drink with the new found hope that I would fight the erg but with every drink I took I just wanted him more. Finally I couldn't fight it. I am junkie and I need my fix.

So I went to his house. I climbed that oh so familiar tree and asked him to come in. Now I am laying on top on him kissing him with such hunger I never want it to stop. I am kissing him and it's like every emotion I ever felt is hitting me at once. It's all hitting me and I have no idea what I am feeling. All I know it is feeling good.

"OH my god Cas" he says after breaking the kiss as he looks into my eyes. My emotions are getting stronger.

"Shut up" I say in such a growl before I start sucking on his neck so hard I know I am going to leave hickies but I don't care. Can you believe I actually don't care? I was so lost I didn't know what not caring was.

"But-" I don't let him talk. I attack his moth as my hands heads toward his pants. In one quick motion I undo his pants and yank them off. I kiss him as I rip his underwear. I press myself up against him and start grinding on him as I kiss him tasting whatever it is I am tasting .

"You will not speak." I command once I stop kissing him. HE looks at me with such fear and I love it. HE takes a deep breath before he says "Yes Sir."

"I love it when you are such a good little bitch." I say before I flip him over. I can feel but the more he looks me in the eye the less I enjoy feeling. I just want to feel tonight. I don't want to know what I am feeling. "Arch that sexy back of your" I command as I conclude that the shirt he is wearing is good enough. I need to see all skin.

"Yes sir." He says as he gets on all fours with an arch back.

"From now on the only thing you are allowed to say is yes sir." I growl as I rip his shirt in half. Seeing his bare skin just waiting my command makes my dick harder than it has ever been.

"Yes" he whimpers.

"Yes what" I command as I smack him across the ass as hard as I can. He says nothing he just lets out a sexy whimper that only drive me crazy. " Do you want to fuck you Dean" I say as I start grind into him. I still have my jeans on and it hurts but will not pull them down unless he says what I want him to say.

"Yes sir" he cries out. Thank god he did. My dick was start to hurt.

"Good boy I say as I lick down his spine while I undo my jeans. The air hitting me me feels so good. I could enter right now but I don't. Instead I place my tip at his and run it up and down causing him to tremble. Oh I love it when he is like this.

"Cas" he begs.

"What was that?" I say as I place my tip at his hole teasing him.

"Sir" he corrects in such a wimpy voice. "Please…fuck me"

"You want me inside of you." I say as I replace my cock with the tip of my finger. I hog spit his whole before I start to trace my finger around his whole.

"Yes, please. Fuck me." He begs.

"You want me to fuck you good. You want me to fuck you hard." I say as I place my pointer finger inside of him. I jam it all the way in. I don't stop until I hit his sweet spot.

"Yes." He cries out once I have entered a second and am now hitting his sweet spot.

"Yes what" I say as I spank him with my other hand.

"Yes sir." He cries out as he tries to press against my hand.

"Did I say you could move?" I growl as I pull my hand out.

"No Sir." He says with as in the air. I want to jam my tongue in there so bad but he doesn't deserve it. Instead of jamming my tongue in his ass I reach into my pocket which is now arounfd my thighs for the lube I bought half hour before I got here. Yes I did stop at an all night CVS to buy some.

"Good boy" I say as I pour lube down the crack of his beautiful pink ass.

"Casss" he moans as I sink my yeeth into his right butt check. He cries out in such a sexy whimper.

"You don't listen." I say as I jam my thumb inside of him. "You like what I'm going?" I ask as I bring my thumb to the surface. I start to rub his hole in a circular motion as I dive head first to his balls. I swallow them as I start to a make a humming sound on them. "You like that Dean."

"Yesss" he moans as I continue to move my thumb.

"Yes what." I say as I spank him with my free hand.

"Yes sir." He says breathless.

"You want me to suck your cock?" I say after I a run my tongue up his ball sack.

"Yes sir." He says as he starts to wiggle.

"Good boy." I say as I grab his hard dripping cock and pull it back. I quick put as much of it in my mouth as I can. It's not as easy as it looks from this angle. I turn my head to the side suck about half of it in. I go to work hollowing out my cheeks.

"UMMMMMMMMMMMM" is all he can say as I start massage his balls. I make a popping sound as I release him from my mouth. Having instead my mouth is making me feel unpleasant. I don't like it. IT's not anger but it's something else. I can't put my finger on it though, but the thought of him getting blown by other guys brings the same feeling. It's very unpleasant. I need to move on before it gets stronger.

"Oh your stomach" I say as I press down the small of his back. He quickly obeys before I climb on over him and press my body against his. I rest my dick in the crease of his ass. I pull his hand over his head locked deep with mine. I make sure all my weight is pressed against him so he can't move. I know have succeeded because he tries to move back into me but he can barely breathe.

"Don't you move a fucking muscle." I say in a low growl like whisper in his ear before I lick it. "Understand" I say as I force my arm around his neck to lighting choke him. Dean being the obedient little slut that he is says yes sire in such a meek voice.

I don't know what is happening to me. But lying here helpless with me in control is sending fire like substance though my body. I love it I am burning up and know it can only get hotter. I know I am always in control but I usually give a little room to wiggle but not this time. He is going to take it how I want it and as hard I as I give it to him. He gets no mercy and no say this time.

I quickly maneuver myself to line myself up with him. I wait point two seconds before I enter into him completely. I waited another point three seconds before I started moving. I know I never lube myself but I don't need to. I lube him up, so he should be good.

"Ummmm" he moans. The way I have my hand locked around his next he is able to speak as a quickly ram into hi, I don't wait as I pull all the way out and go right back in. I know he is enjoying by the moans coming out of his mouth. He is biting down on my hand to hard I think skin might start to break.

"Good you feel so good." Say as I go in and out. "So fucking tight." I say in such a breathless voice in my ear. As he bits my hand I start to nibble and lick his ear. As I tighten my hand around his I feel nothing but a wave on energy coming over me. I can feel. I can feel everything and with everything I can feel hitting me at ounce. Everything I can feels good, it's like it's over powering all the unpleasant feelings trying rise inside of me.

He grips the sheet with his now free hand as all of my feelings form one sentence in my head. It just keeps playing over and over I thrust into Dean who is now on the verge of coming.

Every time I say it in my head I am ramming into him. I need to get it out. I want to get it out. Why am I chanting this to myself.

_I should be mad. __I should be mad .__I should be mad. Oh God __I should be mad. Shit it feels so good. __I should be mad. Oh God. Oh God. __Ishouldbemadishouldbmad damnnnn __**I SHOULD BE SO FUCKING MAD.**_

Right then and there I erupt what feel like a bucket of sperm inside of Dean. I got so lost in my thought I have no idea if he climaxed or not. I rest my body against his for a minute before a roll over to my side. He follows my movement so after. Once he rolls over I notice a huge puddle of you know what lying on the sheets as well as his stomach.

"Damn Cas" he says catching his breath as he runs his hand around his neck. I say nothing as I stare at. He looks back at me with a look that tells me he wants to say something to me.

I hope he doesn't say anything. I am too busy searching my feelings. As I look at him I still feel. All of my emotions are still mixed up but they don't seem as heighten. I don't know if it's because I am losing energy with every breath I take. Or the alcohol I consumed is starting to wear off. Either way I still feel something strong but not as strong as I just felt. Actually I do know one emotion I am feeling. I have finally figured it out. Above anything else right now I am feeling fear. I don't know the reason but I am scared. I am beyond scared and all I want for it is to go away.

"Look Cas" He tries to say but I quick kiss him to shut him up. Once his lips relaxes into mine I force my tongue in his mouth which he happy takes. We twirl our tongues around as I hold his face with one hand. Oh no those intense feelings are starting to come back again. I feel like I am starting to get high. I got to break this kiss.

"Wow" he says as I l make myself comfortable. I hate that I want to feel more of my stupid emtions.

"Come here" I say as I pull him to me.

"What" he says with a smile after he scoots over next to me. He looks down at me as I look up with him and I feel nothing but fear and of course everything up wrapped in a ball.

"Lay with me." I say pulling him down. To my surprise he did fight. He just smiled before he moved hi body down and fell into my arms. He rested his head on my chest as I drapped my arm around him.

It's funny how this does feel like old times. I do know that much. It's like a year hasn't passed and I'm flying. I am flying scared but I don't want it to end.

"Cas" I hear him say but he doesn't move.

"Shhhh, go to sleep." I say as I close my eyes.

"Night." He says after a couple seconds.

"Night Dean." I say as I close my eyes to let the booze in my system knock me out.

I start to finally drift off when I hear my name being called again. I don't answer. I don't want to talk. We don't need to talk. There nothing to say between.

"I guess you really have to be drunk to fall asleep that fast." He says with a small chuckle. I can feel him smiling as he keeps his ear to my heart. "I don't know why you came here to tonight, but I'm glad you did. I missed you so much. What I did sucks? I wish I never did it. I thought I could get over you but I couldn't. I wish I had you back. I wish you could hear me say that but I know you are sleep. And since you are sleep I guess you won't hear me say this. I still love you."

Damn it coming here was a big mistake.

* * *

**So what did you think?**

**What did you think of Cas? Do you think he snapped or is in the middle of some kind break down like Gabriel says.**

**What about Dean?**

**Do you think Dean knew Cas was awake?**

**next chapter is either will be from Dean or Gabriel's pov but Gabriel will def be in it. I miss him don't you. **

**I wonder what he would say if he knew about whtat just happen. Do you think he would be angry or just make fun of Dean.**


	12. Chapter 12 Dean

**Here is the next chapter. Hope you like. I know I said Gabriel would be in here but he isn't but I do promise you him next chapter.**

**thank you arkham zombie for the review. love you lots. hope you enjoy**

**don't forget to reveiw**

* * *

**Chapter 12 Dean**

Cas and I couldn't be happier. I don't what why or made him show up at my window two weeks ago but hey I'm not going to ask too many questions. I'm just happy he shows up every other night and stays with me. Sometimes he is drunk out of his mind, okay he is always drunk but whatever. He's here and I'm happy.

He never talks me though. The only time he talks to me is when we are having sex. Oh yeah about that. So we both know Cas likes to get all dominate and I let him. Well I don't let him. Whenever we go at it, it's like I lose all control and I love it. I love playing the submissive roll. It's like I need him to dominate me. Okay I will tell you this because well you know the private details of my life but I would never tell anybody on the street.

Anyway back to our sex life. It's different. Like really different. Something has changed in him. I can see and feel it. He always had this rough passion to him but he was always so tender in a lot of ways but lately I noticed that all the tenderness is gone. Whenever I get the chance to look him in the face I can see something in his eyes. I'm not sure what it is but I know it's dark. I think it's kind of maybe my fault.

I want to ask him about it but he won't let me. Whenever I go to open my mouth he shuts me up one way or another. One of the ways is sex. Like you didn't know that. Look our sex use to have an emotional connection. I think that is what you would call it. I don't know but I do know I felt connected to him. I know this sounds corny but it was like our souls were connected. You tell anybody I said that and I'll kill you. Anyway I don't feel that connection anymore. I still feel it but i don't feel it from him. It's like the darkness inside of him won't let him.

It's like the darkness swallowed him and whenever we have sex he goes into this pure animal like state. He pins me down on my stomach and just loses control. I wish I knew what was going through his head or why he feels the need to lock me down to my bed. Don't get me wrong I like it but I would also like to look in his eyes. I would like to talk to him.

He won't let me and I just wish he would. After he finishes having his way he holds me and we fall asleep together. When he holds me I can feel the old Cas inside. It's like He fighting to come to the surface but he never quite makes it. I know he is in there and I need to get him back.

I need to get him back. I will get him back. By getting him back I mean getting rid of the darkness anyway I can. Normally I wouldn't know what to do but thanks to nonstop nagging of Jo and Gabriel I know what to do.

First things first I have to break up with my girlfriend. Yeah I can't be with her. I like her as a person and she is very beautiful but she just isn't my type. I have been a total idiot. It's time to do things right. I still don't feel comfortable about the way I am but I can't risk bringing darkness to anybody else.

"So are you just going to sit there?" I almost forgot I was sitting here with Anna. I'm too inside my head and my stomach won't stop turning long enough for me to say something.

"Sorry" I manage to get out as I stare at my feet. Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean yes I told other people but they were family or close to it. Plus they kind of figured it out. She might not be like them. She might think I'm a freak. She might tell everybody at school.

"So what is it?" she says annoyed. Things between us haven't been the best. In fact they have been awful. I have barely seen her and whenever I talk to her we argue. We argue about dumb shit too. Half of the time I think we are just screaming at each but we both don't have idea what the hell we are talking about.

"Okay" I say as I lean over her bed and pinch my nose. "There's something I have to tell you."

"You don't have to. Your neck speaks for you." She says so calm. I have been in enough arguments or fights with her to know she does this right before she loses her cool.

"See I don't no I know you don't know the whole story."

"Sure I do, but instead of telling me the bitches name and admitting to screwing her brains out and that's why you can't even screw me once, you're about to give some excuse on how you got into a fight with the vacuum clear." She says as she stands up to look at me with such disappointment. Damn it why does get to me. I hate seeing a sad female.

"Please Anna just hear me out. I didn't get into a fight with a vacuum cleaner." I say as I stand up to beg.

"Good, now why don't you just break up with me, so I can get on with my day?" She says folding her arms. This is not easy. I actually think I am about to piss myself. Maybe I should just let her think that I screwed a chick and be done with it. "Well" she says getting impatient. No I will not do this. She did nothing wrong and I am tired of letting people lies.

"Look Anna I don't know how to say this.?" I stand there folding my hands as I look at her. How can I not want her? How can I not love her? How can I not any girl. Girls at school just throw themselves at me and I could care less. Oh, but let it be some guy from the basketball team or this guy Mike I see around school from time to time. I see them and my pants get a little tight.

"Are you serious! You come here and say you have something important to tell me and now you want to play the waiting game! OH NO. FUVK OUTTA HERE. JUST TELL ME THE BITCHES NAME, SO I CAN MOVE ON."

"IT's not like that." I plead.

"OH LET ME GUESS YOU ARE IN LOVE."

"Yes" I say almost ashamed.

"OH THAT'S JUST GREAT. I SPEND ALMOST A YEAR FALLING FOR YOU ONLY FOR YOU TO FALL FOR SOME OTHER BITCH. GREAT JOB DEAN. YOU TRULY ARE A FUCK HEAD."

"Anna, just let me explain." I say trying to raise my voice.

"NO, ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS THE BITCH NAME. I DON'T CARE FOR DETAILS. WHO IS THE SLUT THAT GOT YOUR LIMP DICK HARD? I WANT TO KNOW BECAUSE WHO EVER THIS BITCH IS I WANT TO SHAKE HER HAND."

"Anna, just listen." I say trying to plead with her but she won't listen to me. She is uset and it is understandable but I just wish she let me tell her.

"NO I JUST WANT A NAME."

"FINE YOU WANT A NAME" I can't take it no more. Maybe if I yell she will hear me.

"THAT'S WHAT THE HELL I BEEN SAYING"

"CASSIE, OKAY OR I LIKE TO CALL HIM CAS."

"What?" she says taken back. "Did you just say Cassie's a guy?" she says as she walks over to sit on her bed.

"Yes" I say as I feel my heart ready to jump through my throat. I hate this moment. I can feel my heat in my throat and it won't stop pounding in my ears.

"Cassie's a guy." She says looking to the side to look at me.

"Yes." I wish I could say more but she still looks like she is in shock.

"You actually expect me to believe that?"

"Is that a trick question?" I ask very carefully. I don't know what to do right now.

"Why would you make something up like that? If you wanted to just break up with me you could have just did it. I get you aren't attracted to me but you really going to tell me that your gay."

"I wouldn't go that far." I say looking down at my shoes.

"Ha, you are unbelievable." I was thinking the same thing. I never imagined this going like this.

"Anna I'm not lying. I'm into guys." You know the more I say that out loud the less wrong I feel.

"So your bisexual."

"No"

"Then your straight and a liar."

"Why is it so hard to believe? I'm into guys and no I don't like women. In fact I think you might be right. I think I might actually be gay."

"You expect me to believe me a guy did all of that to you." She says pointing to my hickies, bite marks, and a faint hand print around my neck.

"What can I say? Cas likes to get rough. He's quite and all but once he gets going look out."  
"He get's rough." She says folding her arms in disbelief.

"Yeah I mean one I couldn't walk right for a week. I kept telling people it was a sports injury but Gabriel knew and kept making fun of me." I know you're shocked that I am telling her this but she doesn't believe me anyway.

"Gabriel made fun of you."  
"Yeah he's always making fun of me. HE says the two of us discuss him at times. I lie to you not. He actually wore ear plugs most nights in high school. Now that I think about it. I think it ws just on the weekends. During the week Cas would sneak though my window and we do it on the floor."

'You guys did it on the floor."

"Yeah, and man I tell you it was hot. We use to do it on my bed but Jo could hear us and she threaten to kick my ass if I kept her from her beauty sleep."

"Shut up" she says smacking me across the face.

"Something I said." I say smiling. I feel good. I mean she might think I'm making this up but I actually feel good.

"You expect me to believe that you are in some kind of submissive top involved in a five year on and off homosexual relationship with Gabriel's who I think is actually the gay one power bottom brother. The brother who I thought was a girl but it just turns out Gabriel just calls him a girls name.

"Well actually Cas never let me top and I'm okay with that. I actually love, the way he takes control and just flips me around like a rag doll wow I'm getting chills just thinking about it. Oh and with the whole Cassie thing. Their mom use to call him that and it just stuck, but no one calls him that but his brothers."

"Shut up" she say slapping me again in tears

"I'm sorry. What I am doing is wrong? I think she is starting to believe me and me just telling her all this might not be a good thing. I'm being a jerk.

"You're an ass." Close enough.

"I'm sorry it was never you."

"I see that. I see that you are a such a fucking liar. You will tell me ridiculous stuff just to break up with me when you could have just told me the truth."

"I am telling you the truth."  
"Get out"

"But"

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE."

I say nothing to her as I turn to leave. Wow I can't believe this. All these years Jo and Gabriel are yelling and bitching at me about telling lies and keeping secrets and I finally tell someone the truth and they think I am making shit up. Oh and she thinks Gabriel is the gay one. Wow what a fucking day.

Even though she didn't believe me, it felt good telling her that stuff. Even though I just said I would tell nobody but hey whatever. I feel a little better about myself.

* * *

**So what did you think?**

**Did you expect Anna to react they way she did?**

**What do you think of Dean just telling so much?**

**Do you think he did that just to be honest or because he knew she didn't believe him. **

**SPOILERS :next chapter a very important conversation is to be had**


	13. Chapter 13 Gabriel

**Hey guys, was really bored yesterday. So yes here is yet another chapter. Hope you like.**

**Thank you for the reviews. I love you guys. **

**Tell me what you think. **

* * *

**Chapter 14 Gabriel**

I'm not gone lie guys things between me Cotton aren't great. She barely talks to me and whenever we do talk she gets mad at me. We can still be in the same room but we don't look at each other. Each meal we have together gets colder than the last and I don't mean the food. It's always a little better when someone eats with us but up until last night Cassie was eating with us and she was getting snippy with him. Lucky and suspiciously Sammy spent the night last night.

Sam gas spent the night here before but Dean has never asked. To add to things Cassie didn't come home last night. Then again he barley does. Oh well, knowing him he is banging his though drunk one night stand with the tourist. Oh well, at least he is somewhat back to normal. I guess he is coming around but I still think something is getting suppressed.

Wait I was talking about Cotton and got side tracked. She has been a bit snippy. I would go as far as to say she is being a bitch but I'm afraid she know I thought it and yell at me some more. It's really starting to get old and tiring. I miss it when we just use to make fun of people. Whatever, I just have to keep trying and one day we will be back to ourselves but better.

Since my Cotton worked last night and since she has been working so hard I deiced to make her breakfast in bed. Well technically it's brunch. She doesn't wake up until one on the nights she works. I want to start to off the day making my love smile. I need to start my day off with her being happy because soon as I tell her I got fired she is going to freak. I didn't get fired but I am not going to tell her that. She is already freaking about money. Which is unnecessary you know. I keep telling her we are fine but she doesn't see it that way. I guess I would be too if I didn't tell her where my income comes from. Then again I would blindly trust her if I told her that I can not tell her and that one day I promise to sit down and talk to her about. It's just I can't right now and not for a long time.

I might sound a little bitter about it but I'm not. I know how her mind works. I have no choice but to accept it. I love her despite how we differ there.

"We need to talk?" Oh Great Dean Winchester just walked though my back door by slamming it in his let's talk Cas and me repression my sexuality voice. Why couldn't it be his hey buddy what you guys up to today voice. Which is usually a lot grumpier and has some profanity.

"Not today Dean." I say as I flip Jo's fresh toast.

"Are we friends?"

"Yes we arrrrre Oh my god what happen to you." I'm trying to hide the lock of shock, discus, and humor on my face. IT's hard to ever since I turned around to look at him. You should see him. He has this red burn around his neck from a flap like oh my god that's a belt. Yes it is a long semi thick on but it's a belt. Oh god I can't but bust of laughing.

"Yeah yeah laugh it up." He says unamused.

"Okay" I say bending over I see bite marks on his shoulder. "Due why would you wear a tank tops" Oh my god he has red marks around his wrist to.

"It's ninety five degrees out there. What would you wear?"

"True" I say trying to get though my laughter. "I just wouldn't have come out the house the day after I forgot the safe word." I say as I start laughing uncontrollably.

"Fuck you man. There was no safe word. It wasn't like that. It wasn't supposed to be like that. It shouldn't be like that."

"Like what." I ask as go to take her toast out of the pan and place it on the plate I have next to the stove. I start to show up some fruit before he chose to speak again.

"Before I answer, I need to know are we really friends." Oh no. I hope it's not what I think.

"Yes Dean we are friends." I say dreading my decision to consider him a friend.

"Like best friends right. Ones who are straight with each and think highly of each other." Damn it why could he just be JO's cousin who I sometimes see that my little brother use to have a very long and complicated relationship and destroyed my brother inside.

"Oh, no. You two didn't." I say as I stop chopping fruit to look at him.

"I didn't what with who." He says playing dumb. Why does he even bother."

"Come on Dean. I don't want to do this dance with you. I say staring him straight in the ye. Cassie isn't the only one to give a soul gazing glare.

"What damce." He say all innocent.

"The one where you pretend like you didn't do anything or you're not about to do something. SO what did or are about to do." I say a real serious tone. He stares at me for a minute but he relents.

"Okay fine I have been knocking boots with Cas." God damn it. They been fucking this whole time. How the hell that get pass me.

"I don't need this right now" I say as I sit down. Jo and I might rally break up today. I know she has been fed up with them to. She hasn't said anything but I can tell. That's the only reason I can think of since stop getting involved.

"So we're friends." Oh this again great.

"OH god yes Dean. We are friends especially since my little brother just all fifty shades on you."

"He did not. "

"Whatever it's cool. What ever gets you off but I should tell you that I don't think it will end any better than before." I say flagging him off. I care but right now I have other things on my mind. Like making her smile and getting laid for the first time like two months.

"It ended bad thanks to you." He says as he starts tp raise his voice. Thank god Cassie isn't here and Jo sleeps like a rock. I don't need them to hear this. I'm not worried about Sammy last I check he was in the guest room playing video games. Kids can't hear shit when they are playing

"Not this again. Listen Dean you didn't have to listen to me and you didn't have to break up with him in such a mean way.

"What was I supposed to?" he shouts.

"You could have ignore me or told him the real reason and just left me out of it. " I say like it was ever so easy.

"Listen to you. You harassed me damn near day and night. You pressured me into it"

"Peer Pressure really. That's what you're going with."

"Yes and I think the pressure was coming from a place where you just wanted him to go to his dream college. Oh great I think he has figured out my real reason.

"What place would that be?" I say ever so drily. I try to act normal but he can be like a pit bull with lock jaw when he actually gets something right.

" A brotherly place. A place where you thought I wasn't good enough for your brother."

"Yeah"

"Don't What….. Your actually admitting it." He sounds so surprised.

"Yeah. I was right back then and I'm right today." I say folding my arms. He looks like he wants to punch me but he wouldn't dare right now.

"How the fuck can you call yourself my friend and still say I am not good enough for your brother."

"Am I go enough for Jo."

"Despite the fact she wants to murder you right now I say yes."

"Why is that?"

"Come what's with the pop quiz."

"Just answer the question."

A small tisk and he says " Because you love and make her happy Despite right now."

"Right and when have you ever made my brother happy for longer than a weekend or summer."

"So that's why you are hell bent on making sure we stay apart even after I broke up with him and he went to school. You think if something happens between us he won't go back."

"Yes and plus all I know is you're going to hurt him in the end. He might be too stupid in love to see that but I sure as hell do." I say getting defensive.

"By trying to keep us apart is destroying him. I don't know if you noticed but he has changed and not in a good way. He is dark and scary right now man and I need him to talk to me."

"What are you talking about? I thought you two been playing dungeon master and slave for a some times now." I ask confused.

"That doesn't mean he talks to me."

"He doesn't say anything to you. Not one word."

"NO" okay he is getting a little testy there.

"Then what goes on and you don't have to go into detail." I say reminding him that there are something's he never has to tell me.

"He comes over drunk, we screw, then we lay there, he falls asleep and the he gone by the time I wake up." Is he seriously throwing a fit over a serious of one night stand s with my brother. I don't believe Cassie is treating Dean worse than the random people he hooks up with. He at least buys them breakfast. He never just skips out on them and he talks to them first. He doesn't just swoop in for the kill soon as the door shuts. He likes to make sure they are comfortable. Wow I thought he never do that to Dean. Yes I know what my brothers groove is. No it's not strange at all.

"Are you going to say something or are you going to stare off into space." Dean cuts though my train of thought.

"What would you like me to do?"

"Talk to him. Tell him to open up to me."

"Why would I do that?" seriously. I don't need to lure him in only to throw him back out but only twice as hard. He would end up worse.

"Because what is going on with him is your fault too."

"I don't understand." I do understand but I like messing with Dean and I'm not sure Cas is what he needs right now.

"You made pressured me into breaking up with him and my stupid ass listened." I still don't want to.

"How do you expect me to talk to him about getting back together with you when he doesn't talk to me anymore?" It's true. I'm not making it up. Cassie doesn't tell me anything anymore. We still talk but only about things in general.

"I don't want to get back with him. I mean I do but I know it's not he best time right now. HE needs time to heal and his life is in New York right now and ….wait he doesn't talk to you." Amazing he cut off his own rambling.

"No. He doesn't talk. He walks around here happy go lucky, well happy go luck for him. He eats like once a day. He stays out all night getting drunk and screwing you. The he comes home showers and goes to Starbucks all day. Then he comes home eat. Goes in his room where he doesn't watch TV, or listen to music, or use his computer, or read a book. He just lays there for two hours staring into space. Yes I know for a fact. I put a spy cam in his room just to make sure he wasn't planning his suicide or a murder. Then he come out his room eats half of whatever is on his child size plate and then leaves the house to get drunk. Now when would I have the time to ask him." I say catching my breath.

"You could said no."

"Yeah but this avoids any follow up questions."

"All expect me asking you for an answer."

"To what?' I ask playing dumb.

"To you talking to him."

"You don't want to get back with him." Maybe Dean can make Cassie snap back. I mean maybe Dean can tap into all that anger he has bottled up. Maybe Cassie will kick his ass one good time.

"Fine I will talk to him on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You can't fuck him no more."

"What?" He looks like I actually asked him for one of his kidneys.

"Stop sleeping with him. Just be his friend and help him."

"I can't hook up with him. Not even every once in a while."

"Why would you want to if he is doing stuff like that to you." I say as I motion up and down his body.

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." Enough said.

"No sexing him. I will only talk to him if you give me your word." I doubt it will do any good. He doesn't talk to me. Whenever I do try he just shuts down or gets up to leave.

"Fine but I'm not making any promise."

"Good cause you always seem to break those." Dean is going to stop. I already know that. I just want to be able to use this against him later. Now he'll owe me a favor. "Now can you get out of here. Jo's break is cold and I need to warm it before she wakes up.

"Fine fine. I'm a go get Sammy." Dean says about to walk past me but I stop him. "What?"

"The kid is like fifteen. He doesn't need to see you like this yet. Go home and I'll bring him home later." I say reminding him of the belt burn around his next.

"Good thinking." He says as he turns and heads for the back door. Thank god he's gone. Maybe I can start her day off right. Maybe I can get her to feel sorry for me and she can give me pity sex. Hey, I take what I can get.

"Gabriel" Damn she is up. I wanted to bring her food upstairs to her.

"Good after noon cotton." I say as she sits down. I quick removed her food front the micro wave.

"How'd you sleep? I say as I place her plate in front of before I sat next to her.

"Good until I heard Dean shouting." OH No.

"You heard Dean." I ask nervous.

"Yeah and I got out of bed to come tell you to keep it down but when I got right outside the kitchen I stopped because it seem like you two were having a private conversation. "She says taking a bite of her food.

"Oh well thanks for that." Oh all the days for her to be sleeping light.

"So is it true." She says nibbling on a strawberry.

"IT what true." Oh great good bye pity sex.

"What you did to Cas?" Great now I am screwed and not in the good way. Fuck me fuck me. She is going to flip out.

"yes" I say quickly as I brace myself for her reaction. I wait and I wait for her to say or do anything but she just sits there like she is thinking it over. I dare not ask her. I just sit there count the seconds.

It took her twenty two seconds before she swallowed her food and said "Okay."

* * *

**SO what you think.**

**I know you guys wanted this chapter to be smut but don't worry. That's the next chapter and it will be told from Dean's pov the chapter after that will be Cas pov.**

**Well got to work all weekend. So I shall return sometime next week. Until then peace and love **


	14. Chapter 14 Dean

**Hello everyone. Here is the next chapter. I hope you like. Please review.**

**Thank you Satan for the review. You went without internet I think I'd cry if I had to do the same. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 14 Dean **

Why the fuck did my aunt and uncle go on a two week cruise. Since when are they the type to do that. Last I check they like to go hunting in the woods. I thought they were woodsy people. Is that even a word? Never mind, you know what I mean. My aunt and uncle aren't tropical people. What the hell is wrong with them?

They have left here to the mercury of a sexual obsessed, twisted torturer that is Cas. Every other night for the past week he has showed up here wanting to perform some form of s and m. One night he hand cuffed me to my bed blind folded. Did I mention he pinched my nipples and forced me to wear something around my balls? He fucked me for three hours, not letting me cum once. Oh but he did. He came like three times inside if me. To make it worse he kept me tied there the whole time. That was the day I walked away with six bite marks. At least it was the ones I could see.

Then another day he came over and pinned me to the floor. He hand cuffed me to my wood oak dresser. Next he made me get on all fours. Then stuffed me a number of toys he pulled out of a bad. He had least four different types. He had a small one that vibrated. Then he used one with ridges as he shook his hand back in forth to the point I was unable to speak. Next came an extra-large one that hurt a lot. Now Cas is about a good eight and half inched but this thing had to be at least ten. Now the last one, I just don't want to talk about. He did things to me that even you can't know. I will tell you this. He finally fucked me once he was using his toys for ten minutes each. I could sit down for the next thirty sex hours. I somehow manage to walk normal. Guess it comes from years of practice.

Today I am in the kitchen. To-

"Hey Dean I ju- Oh crap" Shit. Sammy

"Sam" I yell as I run behind the center counter to hide the silk panties Cas is making me wait for him. Please don't make me explain right now. Not while Sam has his head turned like he is discussed to look at me. "What the hell man?"

"Sorry sorry. Oh god Dean what are you doing?" He asks still not looking at me.

" What are you doing here? You're supposed to be staying at Gab and Jo's."

"And unfortunately I see why. Uggg Dean, come on. Is this why I been staying there. So you can have weird sex in our kitchen."

"It's not what it looks like Sam." Sadly it is, but he doesn't need to know all that.

"It looks like my brother in panties. What kind of stuff are you into? You know what don't answer that. I don't need to know. I just need some brain bleach."

"What do you need- oh god. What the hell?" Oh great now we have Mr. dramatic here.

"Gabriel what the hell man?" This is getting embarrassing. First Sam and now this dick. He won't ever let me live this down.

"Dean why are you naked?" he ask with a smug look on his face.

"He's not naked. He has panties on."

"The hell Sam." I shout. Did he really need to tell him? I am hiding for a reason.

"You have panties on. Like actually girl panties."

"No" I quickly lie.

"Yes."

"Wow Deano, I never knew you were into such kink." He's such a bastard. He of all people know about the weird shit his brother has me doing.

"Can you just get out of here?" I shout realizing Cas should be here soon. I don't want nothing to mess whatever the hell we have going up. He still won't talk to me but at least he is spending time with me.

"First tell us who the girl is?" Sam asks finally looking at me. Seriously, I am standing here in pink satin panties and he wants to know who I am wearing them for. Unbelievable

"What?" I'm going to act like I didn't hear him. Maybe if I play dumb he will leave it alone and I won't have to lie to my little brother. I don't think he could handle this right now.

"You heard him. Who's the girl?" Fucking Gabriel I hate him. He knows damn well there aint no girl. Fuck him and fuck everything about him.

"Why are you asking me this, why I am standing here in panties. Why are you guys even here?" Okay maybe if I change the subject.

"We wanted to see if you wanted to go bowling but I see you are too busy waiting for your girlfriend and I didn't even know you had one." Sam says like he has been betrayed.

"Neither did I. I thought you and Anna broke up." Oh I hate him. He's getting back at me because I am still fucking Cas.

"I don't have a girlfriend. I'm just hooking up with someone that has a kinky side. Okay does that answer your question."

"What's her name?" Gabriel asks. I'm ready to stab him.

"What's it matter?" I ask so irritated.

"I might know her." He says as he stands next to Sam who is looking at me like he wants to know.

"If I tell you, will you get the hell out?"

"Cross our hearts." Gabriel says as he unwraps a lollipop and stick it in his mouth.

"I'm waiting for-" shit did it get hot in here. Sweet baby Jesus why am I sweating? God, I have no clothes on and my whole body is covered in sweat not to mention I am out as fuck. "Well"

"Well we're waiting." Gabriel's giving me this face like he knows what I'm thinking. Well jokes on him I actually thinking about the truth.

"Rhonda" Wait what. I just lied and by the look on Gabriel face he is equally pissed and amused. Great ever sense Jo decided to be the selfish person she has become Gabriel has been laying it extra thick. I can't I am saying but I miss the days when Jo would bitch at me and tell me when I am fucking up. What is wrong with her? She needs to pull he head out her ass and be here for her love ones.

"Rhonda?" Sam repeats.

"No" I said that to quick.

"No"

"I mean yes."

"Yes"

"What are you a parrot?" Okay now I'm pissed. Mostly at myself. I have no idea where that came from.

"Who's Rhonda?" Okay Gabriel is getting punched in the face if he doesn't get leave in the next two seconds.

"Does matter?"

"I think you should tell him Dean." Damn it. Fuck fuck fuck, of course this would get worse. I knew it. I knew he was going to pop out of now where. I wonder how much he has heard?

"Cas" my voice is shaking.

"Hello Dean, Sam, Gabriel." He says as he gives each of them a look saving the last one for me. I think I just got scared. I just saw something flash though his eyes and it's not pretty.

"I don't think I need to tell them that." I can't even look at him. I am too ashamed. This is the second time I have pretended he was a girl but this time he heard me. I am royally screw. He still doesn't talk to me but now I have lost any chance he might change his mind.

"Very well. I will tell them." He says as he turns to look at them. Sam has a plain look on his face but you can tell he is listening. Gabriel on the other hand has this eat shit grin on his face. I on the other hand is about to have a panic attack. Sammy can't know this. He looks up to me. He might never look at me the same way again after this. That's why I lied. Sammy doesn't know and he doesn't need to know.

"Cas" I plead. I should have done that. He shots me a look that gives me chills. To the average person it would look like he just looked at me but I know him. I can his is pissed. I am starting to miss him when he had dead eyes.

"Rhonda is a girl he has been having sexual relations with. She is into what would be called bondage along with a few other things. Dean being the guy who is willing to please his partner by any means has decided to indulge in her current way she wants to display her passion." Wow. I think Cas just lied for me. I was not expecting that and neither was Gabriel. You should see the look on his face. His mouth is wide open in shock. I would laugh if I was feeling a bit shocked myself.

"Wow Cas, you could have just said he is banging a girl into S&M."

"My apologies." He says just as sober. I don't like this. It's like what my aunt would call the calm before the storm.

"Some advice, you'll never get laid talking like that. It's a clear you are still a virgin." Me and Gabriel both laughed. I wonder what made him think that.

"Okay so I see Dean has plans. Guess it's just the three of us unless Cassie wants to come bowling with us." Gabriel says he turns Sam around to leave. It's funny because Sam is almost taller than him. Cas says nothing and Gabriel doesn't wait for a respond. I think was just saying it to say it.

We both stand in the kitchen as we wait for the sound of a car pulling off. Once it was clear that they had left Cas turns to face me.

"Now Cas" I say I slowly walk up to him. I know he lied for em but that doesn't change the fact he's probably pissed at me .

"Shut Up" he commands. I stop dead in my tracks as he eyes me up and down. His look is downright scary and sext all at the same time. I can feel the blood starting to leave my brain.

"Cas."

"Did I say you can speak?" Okay we're playing this game again. I quickly shut my mouth as he creeps his way up to me. "You look so sexy in those panties." He whispers around my ear. The feel of his breath on my neck is making my legs start to feel weak.

He runs his hands ghost like around the band. The tip of his fingers brush across my skin so soft I can feel shivers running up my spine.

"And your mouth looks so pretty and soft right now." He says as he stops in front of me to connect his eye with mine. "Is your mouth hot for me?" Great he isn't going to kiss me again. I missed the days when he uses to kiss me. He never does anymore. "Did you hear me?" he says has he grips my one ass check hard. I admit I let out a sad whimper.

"Yes sir" I say very meek. He loves it when I call him sir.

"Is that sexy dirty mouth hot for me." God help me. I know I sounded like I was complaining earlier but when we are in the middle of it. I love every bit of it.

"Yes sir."

"Then be a good little bitch and show me."

"Yes sir." I say as I drop to my knees and undo his pants. In a matter of seconds I have undone his belt and zip. I know have the tip of his extra-large thick cock on my lips.

"Swallow it." He says as grips the back of my head and rams me forward. I barely had time to open my mouth before his tip was in the back of my throat. He didn't give me times to catch my breath before he slamming his delicious cock in and out of my mouth. It was like I barley have to do any work.

"So wet. So warm. Such a good little bitch to be eating my cock like that, Your such a slut. Such a dirty slut."

I want to touch myself but I know I am not allowed to. Taste every bit of his pre cum while he pumps in out of my mouth is sending waves of ecstasy though both of us.

"Oh shit. You dirty little bitch. Open wide" he says before he releases everything in me. I don't get the choice to swallow as he leaves his tip in my throat causing everything to slide down.

"You are so good at that." He says as I wipe my chin. "Get up"

"Yes sir." I say as I jump up to look at him.

"Did I say you can look at me." I say nothing as I throw my gaze to the floor. "Whinny little whores like you don't get to look at me. Now turn and face the counter.

"Yes sir" I say as I turn to the island. Again I barely had time to register before he was bending me over making me arch my back.

"Look at that ass." He says as he pulls up a side of my panties causing them to pop as they made their way back to my ass.

"Ngggg"

"I love it when you make those sounds What else can you make?" he says as he slaps me full palm on the ass. I know my ass has to be red.

"UGGGGG" The sting hurts but I loved the ripple it sent though my body.

"Ummm you making my cock hard again." He says as he rubs it against my ass. The softness of the panties combined with hardness of him is making me ache for him to be inside of me.

"mmmmmm"

"You like feeling my cock." He says as he slaps my other check just as hard.

"Yes sir" I moan as I feel his tip against my hole. Only thing sperating them is the thin layer of my panties.

"Does the dirty little whore want to swallow my cock with his ass." He says as slaps me hard.

"Yes sir." I say as I try to push back on him.

"NO No" he says holding my neck. "Such an eager little slut." He says as reaches for the olive oil.

He says nothing as he I feel the warm liquor run down my underwear. I can feel it running between my cheeks before I feel him slip them to the side and insert a finger.

"You like my finger inside of you. You lick being filled that way." He says as he slips another finger inside.

"NO sir." I say as I fight the erg to push back. I want to but I know he will go slower if I do. Why does he torture me?

"What do you want?" he says slapping my ass with an oily hand. "Do you want my cock in this tight little hole of yours? Does the slutty little tramp want me to fuck him? He says as he jams his fingers in hard.

"Yes sir." Finally he pulls his fingers out and rams his super hard cock in me. He does give me time to adjust before he ramming me in and out. He is going to fast and hard I can barely stand. My body is on fire and I am not seeing straight. Everything is starting to go black as I feel a mixture of pleasure and pain.

"You like that bitch." I can't do anything but moan as I grip the counter. I am gripping it so hard I might break it. Between him ramming me like a wild bull and his finger nails digging into my skin I can barely function. He is hurting me so good right now. "You such a good little whore. Look at you taking it. Look at that ass swallow all of my cock." He says as he removes his hands from me.

He keeps thrusting in me as I hear him messing with his pants. Three seconds later he wraps a leather strap around my neck. Oh good he is chocking me. He is choking me with his belt. He has it around my beck like a horse with a saddle in his mouth. He is fucking like a wild animal and I love. I can feel everything built up in me.

"Fuck" he grunts as he pulls the belt tighter. I can barely breathe as he tightens it with every hit to my sweet spot. "Fuck, you are so sexy like this. Fuck" he says he fucks me bent over while I am wearing panties pulled to the side and a belt around my neck. IF you never experience something like this then you don't know real pleasure. It hurts so much I like.

"Oh fuck bitch. Fuck you little slut. You making me cum again." Good because I am about to lose it and sometimes I have a different feeling about our sex once it's over.

"Fuckkkkkkk you" he says as he spills into me as I release everything of the wall.

We stay there still connected as he we take our times catching out breath. He still has the belt around my neck but it is loose now.

"Damn Cas" I say as he pulls out of me and fix his clothes. At least he has on clothes. I standing here with olive oil, seamen, and my underwear up my ass. It's kind of uncomfortable but I am afraid to leave the room.

IT's not night time and he's not drunk, so there isn't a good chance he would stay.

I wait a few minutes while he fixes himself to see if he is going to say something or even look at me. He doesn't say anything. Once he is done dressing he heads for the back door.

I can't believe he is actually leaving. He has been here all of thirty minutes and he is going to leave. Why is he doing this? This is the third time he has done this.

"Wait Cas where are you going?" I know it came out desperate but I am. Why won't he talk to me? Why won't he look at me? I know I messed up but he is usually able to talk to me, even if he was mad. "Cas!" I yell once it's clear he is ignoring me.

He stops with his hand on the knob and looks at me. His eyes are filled with such darkness I expect him to upload on me. Hell I welcome that at least it would be something.

"Bowling Dean" he finally says without looking at me. Before I could say anything he was gone again.

* * *

**So what did you think? **

**Are you happy Sam finally appeared.**

**Hope you liked.**

**Don't forget to review or drop me any questions or both lol**

**Be back as soon as I can. Work calls tomorrow. **


	15. Chapter 15 Castiel

**Please leave a review. **

* * *

**Chapter 15 Castiel **

"Why can't you just leave well enough alone?" Oh joy Mom and Dad are fighting again. That's all they ever do. That and fuck. It's really annoying. They spend most of the day going back and forth. At least I think they do. I don't spend a lot of time in the house. Lately I been coming home at night and they are in the middle of their passion. But when I leave in the morning they are in the middle of fighting. Somewhere around dinner time they are inviting me out for dinner or some activity. I always decline. I wonder what happens when I don't show up. You'd never guess at the end of the night they were fighting shortly before.

It's kind of sweet when you think about it. Correction it was sweet. The last couple days it's been very bad. I feel like it that kid whose parents are on the verge of divorce. All I want to do it hide or spend as much time away as possible. Soon it will be time to go back to school. Although I have yet to tell Gabriel that I am transferring to Columbia. Yes I am transferring and I rather not discuss it. Which is in fact the reason I don't want to tell him? He really has been acting like my dad. Plus he suspects something is up with me. I he would let up but every time I talk to him he brings up it up. I always respected that my brother wouldn't give up when he right about a gut feeling but it can be so damn annoying.

I have to chuckle to myself. A month ago I wouldn't have been able to feel anything but after realizing Dean was my key to feel again being able to feel has returned. Why did I mention his name? I haven't seen him in two days and he won't stop calling or sending text. I even have a couple voice mails from him. I have read or listen to him. I refuse to speak to him. He thinks I am upset about him lying about my gender but I am not. I just have nothing to say to him. He should have realized this long ago. I never speak to him when we are not having sex. That right there should have been a clue. Maybe the fact that I use to spend the night at first gave him some idea but I put an end to that. I don't get it. He was the one who ended things with me. Why is he acting like this?

"Just take the money Gabriel." Oh great there still fighting. They're usually in their room but today they have decided to take things to the living room. I wish this house had a backstairs. I could sneak out but the only way down is though the living room. I was hoping to avoid Gabriel today.

"We don't need the money Jo?" Great, it's the same argument. I'm about ready to tell Jo myself so this can be over.

"Yes we do?" She says as she leans to her with both hands on her hips. Under her left hand appears to be an envelope. Guess it has money in it.

"Why can't you just listen to me?" Gabriel says as he rolls his head back. He stands there a few feet in front of her. She is looking at him with distrust written all over her face. Gabriel being who he is has tried to be patience and fight though it but I see it is starting to get to him, He is just standing there with his lips tight and his arms folded.

"Why can't you just take the money? My parents said we don't have to pay them back." She yells. Oh great yelling. Here we go. Guess I'll sit at the top of the step until thee done. Here's hoping it doesn't take up most of my day. I do get hungry.

"Why did you have to ask your parents for money? We don't need it!"

"How do I know that?" Are they going to just each other questions.

"OH here we go." Gabriel says in a drawn out frustration.

"OH yes here we go. You're upset with me because I want to know how we are living?"

"Okay forget the fact that I ask you just trust me and that I would never do anything to harm you. And forget the fact that you never do and can't see past the fact that it hurts me each time. Let's forget that I have never lied, cheated, or kept things from you. Forget the fact that you are the one who keep something from me."

"OH that's your argument. I kept a secret to protect my cousin. Like you wouldn't have done the same thing for your brother."

"I would have trusted you to know you could keep a secret and would help find a way around it."

"So that's your reasoning for not telling me. You won't tell me because I kept something from you before we even got together." She says as I notice her face is starting to change colors. It's about time. Gabriel's face been turned.

"No Jo this isn't about any of that. This is about the fact that you went behind my back and asked your parents for money. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?" he says as he starts to wave his arms and shout.

"Now you know how it feels to have someone do something behind your back." She says as she tries to keep calm. She can see Gabriel is getting fired up. I hate when he snaps. She stands up to him and yells right back but I see she is a little bit scared. I hate seeing her scared. I want to protect her then but I know not to get in the middle.

"It's not the same."

"Yes it is."

"NO IT'S NOT!" Oh great he's snap. "YOU GOING TO YOUR PARENTS MADE ME LOOK BAD. IT MAD ME LOOK STUPID AND WEAK. IT MADE ME LOOK LIKE I COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF YOU. YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE LESS OF A MAN. I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO YOU. I ADMIT THERE IS SOMETHING I CAN'T TELL YOU BUT YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME WHEN I SAY EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT."

"I CAN'T, YOU PROMISED NEVER TO KEEP ANYTHING FROM ME AND YOU NOT TELLING ME MAKES ME THINK ITS OMETHING BAD."

"DAM IT JO" Suddenly he stops and bites his lip. He closes his eyes as he tries to hold back his anger. I can see he is holding something back and she can tell too.

"Don't hold back. Say it now." She says so much like her mother.

"Forget it" he says in a slow whisper as he turns his back.

"Don't walk away now. You have something you want to say so you need to say it."

"Jo just forget it." He says turning towards.

"NO I want to know."

"NO"

"Yes"

"Why can't you be like other girls?"

"What?" Yeah what. Both of us are in shock. She has her back turned toward me now but I imagine she has a shocked and confused look on her face.

"Why can't you be like other girls? Do you know how many girls wouldn't question anything and just enjoy me spoiling me. Do you know how many would girls would just want to make me happy?" Oh no.

"You don't think I like to make you happy? Are you not happy?" And there is goes. That one question that every relationship eventually asks. Every couple goes ask it but not everyone can answer it and come out on the winning side.

"I honestly don't know anymore" he say so ashamed.

"I don't make you happy anymore." He voice sounds like it's about to crack but she is trying to hold out.

"Please don't think bad thought cotton." He says trying to pull her but she refuses. "I still love you it's just we been fighting a lot."

"SO have you thought about being with any other girls." If my brother is truly smart he will not answer that. It's a trap and if he answers he can no longer make fun of Dean.

"Cotton please, can we just forget it." Okay he is trying to dodge it but I hope he now knows he might have to lie.

"I want to know. If you love me then you will tell me."

Gabriel looks at her and sighs. He walks up to her and look her in the eye. "I love you and I don't want to be with anybody but I do think about being with other girls." He started to say something else but I she raised her hand to stop him from speaking. She looks down at the ground before she turns to walk away. I see she is on the verge of tears and didn't want him to see her cry. Actually she doesn't let nobody cry.

I'll wait before I talk to her later. I got to make a mental note to pick up that coffee ice cream she likes and some Oreo cookies, but I got to make sure they are frozen. Jo loves them like that.

"JO wait" Gabriel calls as her tries to follow her out the door but she slams it shut. He stops and presses his head on the door. I guess he decided not to go after her after a few seconds of resting his head against the door. He takes a long sigh before he walks over to sit on the couch.

"You can come down now?" he says as I start to stand. I wonder how long he knew I was up there.

"Hey" I don't know what to say to him. I feel awkward after just seeing that plus I really didn't want to see him just yet.

"Don't say anything." He says once I got behind the couch.

"I won't" I hope this means he doesn't want to talk at all. Here's hoping he wants to be left alone.

"Good because I'm tired of talking about it and I just want to drop the subject." I know the feeling.

"Okay" I say as I start to head towards the door.

"You had another night mare last night." He shouts once I have one foot out the door."

"OH" I say as I turn back another to look at him."

"Second one in a row." He says like he leading up to something.

"I see" hoping he lets it go.

"Yeah but lucky for you I am too drained to best it out of you."

"You are." I'm shocked.

"Yes, so I'll just say. I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you" I say before close the door and make my way to my rental car. I see no point in buying a car I am just going to drive for a couple moths. I won't need a car in New York. I'll just take a cab. I can afford it. I might even take the subway at some point.

Wow I am really surprised at a Gabriel. Things must be worse than I thought. Even when they are fighting he still finds a way to have a talk with me. Heavenly father he is just like a dad. Why is it he's the middle child but he acts so much like the oldest sibling so much like a parent. I love my brother and think we have a great friendship but I hate it he treats me like a child. I already have a dad granted he's had his moment when he wasn't the greatest. Like now for example, but my point is. I already have a dad. I just need a brother.

Okay I need to stop, I need to get him out of my head. I made it out the house and I need to put everything in check. I am not going to see Dean again either. I think I am going to stay away from him for a while. Being around him bought back feelings and I still haven't made sense of all of them. I have made sense of the unpleasant ones/ The ones that are aching to get to the surface but I won't let it.

I have to stay away from on the simple fact he makes me feel like a damn ready to burst. I don't need that right now. I have too much going on inside my head right now. Being with him only makes it worse. Especially since he told me he loves me every time I was there. I don't know why he told me that. I don't want to hear him say that. I don't need him to say that now. I need him just to be a good little sex slave.

He can't get that so I am going to stay away until he gets the picture. Hopefully he gets it soon. I don't think I can go that long without being inside of him. I don't know how I went so long with it. Just the feel of him sends waves though my body. I think that's why I refuse to kiss him. He kisses just over power everything. I'm dying to feel his lips but I just can't right now.

Okay time to push Dean out of my head and time to focus on my goal today. I like to set a goal every day and today's goal is to finish what I stared. I'm ashamed it took me this long but when you think about it the timing is perfect.

"Hello Anna" Yes I came to visit Anna at work. I haven't seen or talk to her since she walked out on me. It's crazy but I can't help it. I can't get the fact that she is sexually repressed out of my head. I want to be the one to free her. I know it been a couple weeks since she ended things with Dean but I know she hasn't been with anyone yet. I can tell from the way she carries herself she isn't that type of girl. I love it. Her being such a good girl is going to make this more fun.

"What are you doing here Clarence?" She says unfazed to see me.

Oh that's right. She thinks my name is Clarence. I should tell her the truth but I won't. There's no point. If I tell her I lied then I might not free her.

"I decided that I forgive you walking out on her date."

"That wasn't a date? " She says trying to be on a act. I'll play along. She took one look at me and I had her.

"So what was it because when I go for drinks with a beautiful girl I tend to call that date."

"Well it wasn't" she says as she blushes. I give it seven days before I am making her cum harder than she ever will. Yes I have that much confidence. I have a lot of references.

"Let's just agree to disagree if you agree to actually have a date with me." I could just hook up with her but there is no fun in that. I like to hang out with them first. Buy them a meal before I do whatever I like to their bodies. It's the least I can do. I tend to have a dirty mouth during sex.

"A date?" she says taken back. Is she stupid? I thought we both understood why I was here.

"Yes a date. Let's forget about before and start over." I say as I give her a small smile.

"Okay but there's something I have to tell you." Great she is about to tell me about Dean.

"I don't need to hear it. We can talk about everything in time. Just now I need you to have your prettiest dress tomorrow at six." I say as I look her in the eye. I can tell she loves it. She is bting her lip but still have a half smile on her face.

"I don't get off until six." She says smiling while rolling her eyes.

"So I'm sure you can leave early tomorrow." I say in low whisper.

"Okay fine. My prettiest dress tomorrow at six."

"Good."

"But can we make it six thirty." She says like she is unsure to ask.

"Anything you want." I say before I turn to walk away.

Okay that was quicker than expected. I didn't think it would be that easy. Guess I owe Dean a thank you. Not that he will ever know. They don't talk, Jo is minding her own business, and she thinks my name is Clarence. See I'm safe, Dean will never know.

Now that I have that out the way I have a whole day to kill. I know I see if Meg is up for some fun today. It's her day off and she is always up for a bit of fun.

* * *

**So what did you think?**

**What about Jo and Gabriel. Do you think they are reaching the end of the road. **

**Do you think there's hope for them. Who's side would you take.**

**what do you think about Cas. Do you think he's hiding something.**

**What do you think about his mind set.**

**Do you think he is still in love with Dean?**

**Did you miss Dean**

**Let me know and I shall be back**


	16. Chapter 16 Jo

**Thank you to** **three of my best supports for the reviews. i love you guys and it only made want to work harder on this chapter. I hope you.**

**Now I don't do this slot but I want to tell you what I was trying to do. I wanted to show a more vulnerable side to Jo. I wanted her to have the most emotionally trying day where it just makes her change. I just to see how I can affect her and see how she comes back .**

**Let me know what you think. I am was off today but I am back to work until Monday. So I will be back sometime then.**

* * *

I made him a miserable guy who lost his manhood. How did I do this? I know how I did this but I never thought it would get this bad. Whatever happen to all you need is love? I guess that's a lie because money sure became between us. If you would have asked me I would have sworn me and him would be that couple that makes it though everything. But here we are with the treads of our relationship torn and hanging on by a few strings. It's at the point where you either rip it apart all together or try and sew it together again. Too bad I walked out the house before we realized.

To be honest with you I am so scared to find out. What happen to the guy that wanted to have a baby girl with name named Stacy? Why Stacy? He would say he wanted me to be able to personally relate to the song Stacy's mom. I know it messed up when you think about it. I mean having my daughter become envious of me by making boys her age lust after me and pay no attention to her. Messed up maybe but he meant well.

I can't lose him. I can't my crazy always up to something guy who has a crazy romantic imagination. I'm the one who could stand to be more romantic. I never cook for him. He always cooks. I do clean, well sometimes. He cleans mostly. He always surprising me and I haven't done anything for him in at least six months. When I started working at the bar he use to rearrange his whole day just to see me. I never did anything like that for him.

He always wants to talk and I never do. Oh my god. What the hell happen? I became the jerky guy in our relationship. I have done nothing but reject him and start fights with him. I do still have sex with him but it's different now. I'm not willing to change it up or up to do it outside like I use too. I have such a great guy who has wanted nothing but to give me the best and I am pushing him away.

We have been in this house for about three months now and I have yet to see and pass due bills. They always come but they have always been paid the in full the month before. I'm nineteen years and I live in a beautiful four bedroom two and a half bath house. I have a pool and I have a great car. It's the same car that I drove away in and went all the way to my parent's house. This was the only place I could think of to go.

It's that part of the day where's it's too late and too early for them to be home. I knew if I came here then I would be able to be alone. Both my parents are out working, dean would also be at work and Sam was at his job at a summer camp. He would get first since camp gets gets out at four. I still have sometimes.

I lay in my own room at the foot of my bed. I am on my stomach holding one of my pillows. I take a whiff of the scent of my old life and I thank god my mom didn't change anything. I know I can never go back but it's nice to have a reminder, at least of the good memories. I try not to think about the bad memories yet I find myself thinking of them more. I just keep thinking how things would have played out differently where we all would be.

I wonder would have happen if all decided just to tell the truth. What if Dean would have never been in closet? Would he have just broken up with Bella and been honest and open with Cas. Would they be in a relationship that my parents knew about? If they had known would I have been able to go to the concert with Gabriel. Would we have gotten together or would have decided to be friends. Would be get to together stay to gether then break up. Or would we still be together.

If that would have happen then would our relationship different. Like if we broke up would we would we still be close? Or if we stayed together would he happy now and he would tell me everything. Cas would have never went to New York because Gabriel would have never talked Dean into breaking up with him. I still can't believe he did that to his own brother. I would have never caused someone I love that much pain.

Does he even feel guilty? I hope he does because it's kind of his fault Castiel is the way he is. I never said anything to him about ti. He asked me about ti a few times but I just told him it's cool. I don't even know where to begin. Yeah life would be easier if we told the truth and so much different.

"Jo" Damn it. Dean's home. I wonder how long he's been here. It looks like he was in the bed up until now. I wonder if I woke him up with my music.

"Hey what's up Dean." I say sitting up on my bed. He takes that as a queue to come sit next to me.

"What are you doing here?" Should I tell him? We haven't been exactly close lately. Whenever he comes over he just hangs with Gabriel. Come to think about it they been going out without me for a while now.

"Oh just wanted to come by." He studies me for a minute as if he notices that I am not alright, It's like he can see the hurt in my eyes.

"Really" he says unsure. The room is starting to feel a bit awkward.

"Yeah I feel like we haven't hung out in forever I came by to see if you wanted to do something."

"Yeah sure. That sounds cool." He says after a moment. "There's something I been wanting to talk to you about." Great does he know about us fighting? Did Gabriel tell him?

"What is it?" I ask trying to remain cool.

"What's up with Cas? I haven't seen or heard from in a while and he was giving me this strange vibe?" Oh great here we go again. No matter what he fails to see someone else in need other than himself? Sometimes I wish they never got to together and they were both straight. All man Dean might be engaged to Bella. Wow she seems so long ago.

"I don't Dean. He doesn't exactly talk to me. " I say trying to hold back my growing frustration with him,.

"I think you do." He says giving me a look. Please of please don't try me today. I really don't want to snap on him. I been doing so good staying out of it.

"I really don't. I barely see him." I really don't but I still know everything that has been going on with them. Despite our problems we still manage to talk about Destiel. That's actually one of my problems. I feel like they have a driving force in our relationship. I want everything to be separate, but that will never happen. Not when two families come together complete.

"Come on Jo cut the crap. He tells you everything. He's your best friend like Gabriel is mine."

"That might be true but you; Meg, and most importantly Gabriel are my best friends too." I'm tired of this. I feel like we aren't a group of friend any more. Cas and I are friends and the guys we love just happen to be friends too but no cross over. I hate this. Why can't we all just get along again? We were supposed to share secrets with each other not keep secrets from each other.

"Yeah but you two seem the closet and Meg is not my friend." That's because he is the only one that hasn't lied to me.

"Look-" Why am I even about to argue with him. It doesn't matter it's not like what I have to say matters. Maybe that's from years of always telling people what they need to hear whether they wanted to or not. "Whatever Dean. I don't know what's up with him."

"Why you got to lie to me? Why couldn't just say you just say you can't talk about it?" Talk about what? What am I supposed to tell him? Oh I know that the last person I was close to doesn't talk to me no more either. Yes I have Meg and I love her like a sister but this different. I don't know how to explain it but I feel like we have our own special bond.

"Dean I just can't with you today." I say as I get up to leave.

"So you're going to leave so you don't have to tell me the truth. Come one I thought you understood love." Okay that right there made me stop in my tracks and turn towards him. HE can't be serious right now. "I thought you knew how much we loved each other. You should know since you think you have a one in a million relationship. Plus you owe us"

"Excuse me. I think I have what. I owe you what" Please tell me he is trying to say that what he and Cas have is better than what I have with Gabriel.

"Forget it. It doesn't matter? You just said we were friends too but I don't we are anymore." Funny I was starting to think the same thing.

"Oh no. Please I want to hear it." I say flooding my arms as I lean to the side.

"We're not friends we're just related. Or your just my friends girlfriend. We aren't close. You haven't talk to me or seen how I was doing. Whenever I came to you and tried to get your advice you just blew me off."

"That's not true." I say as I feel my throat tighten.

"Right you just sat there and pretended to listen. Like that's any better." Wow glad to know just listening to a friend or family member was rude.

"I was listening."

"No you were too busy wrapped up in your own problems not caring about the other people around you falling apart. "

"Stop it" I say feeling like I am on the verge of tears.

" I mean it have you even noticed the way Gabriel bends over backwards for you or that Cas is in the middle of some spiral."

"Shut up."

"What's the matter? The truth hurts. I haven't hung out with you because you only care bazout yourself now."

"Fuck you!" I say as I turn to rush out the house.

I can't believe the day I'm having. I got into a fight with two of the three most important guys in my life besides my dad. Wow glad to realize that I am a horrible person. I wonder if I can go for the hat trick later with Cas. I hope not. I can't take anything else today.

Since being alone in my parents' house didn't work I have decided to be alone at the beach. It's a small one that not to many people visits but that's what I need. I stay there all day and night watch the few people who crossed my path. I watch families, young couples, and old couples all day. At night when the sun went down I saw a group of six friends having a bon fire. They all looked like they were having fun. I saw one couple and they laughed with everybody.

By the end of the day one thing has become clear. I need to go home. I need to fix my relationship with all three of my guys but first the most important one. I thought about waiting for him to come after me but then I remembered. He tried to stop me and ask me to stay and I walked out on him. I'm the one who need space. I have to go to him. He can't always be the one to make the first move.

I'm nervous though. I want to talk to him but I don't know how yet. Maybe I should give it more time. I have no idea what to say to him. I don't know where to start. I wonder if he is in the living room or of he is in our room.

I walked into my house half expecting it empty. I am starting to realize how drained I am. I kind of just want it to go away. When I walk in I am surprised at what I walked in on. The air was turned all the way up and there was a quilt on the couch. I loved snuggling under the blanket when the air conditioner is on. On the table there are bowls of walnuts, m & m's, rainbow sprinkles. There is a bottle of heresy chocolate syrup next to a can of whip cream. All is missing in the ice cream and Oreo's.

"You're home?" Speak of the devil. Just as I thought it Castiel walks in with a half a gallon of coffe ice cream and what I am assuming are frozen Oreo cookies.

"What's this?" I ask as I though the my bag to the side.

"Well I figured you might have a rough day so I wanted to help you relax. So I fixed your favorite dessert and rented the Little Mermaid. " he says with a smile.

Okay so maybe I still kind of have one of my guys. I love him for this. This right here will help me relax.

Castiel and I cuddle the whole time the movie was on. It was sexual or anything. I was just to friend comforting each other. By the end of the movie I felt a almost better. The only thing that would make me better is to see him.

After the movie I said my good nights and made my way to my room. Each step felt like it drag along. I enter my room to find the lights off but I can see him outline on the bed. I say nothing as I slip pass him to take a quick shower. The pressure of the hot water makes me relax as it washes away the day I had.

I step out of the shower and quickly dry myself, I lotion myself up before I change into a white tank top and a pair of colorful cotton undies. Once done I made my way to the bed and laid beside him.

Here I am at the end of my day and I am lying right beside him. We are both lying on our backs looking at the ceiling fan. We have an air conditioner but sometimes we like to open the windows and feel that cool summer night breeze. He lies here quiet. He hasn't taken a look at me since I climbed on top of our covers.

I relax into my mattress as I let my mind wonder as I count is breaths. I feel so care free when I am beside him. Even though he might have cause my pain but he is the one who can sure. I just wonder which one off us will be the one to speak first.

"JO" I guess he is the one.

"Yes" I say ever so tired. I am tired. I feel emotionally drained. I just want to close my eyes and dream this day away.

"I'm on Academic probation." He's what. I thought he was doing good in school.

"So get a tutor." I don't feel like caring right now. That takes a lot of energy that I don't have.

"I am but I'm scared Jo."

"What are you afraid of?" I ask ever so calm while my minds race a mile a minutes. Did he borrow money from loan sharks? Did he get into some kind of drug operation? OH my god what is he scared of.

"Afraid of what might happen if I fail again." I can here panic in his voice but he still maintains a low whisper.

"What might happen?" I hope he doesn't do this all night. I hope he just come out with it.

"I'm going to lose my trust fund." Trust fund? Did he just say trust fund? There is no way my boyfriend is rich. He can't be rich. If he was rich I would have already know. There is no way. He is making this up.

"You have a trust fund?" I don't believe it. "Please tell me about it. Explain how I had no idea and how you hid it from me all this time."

"I…I didn't hid it from you…..Look let me just start from the beginning. Around the time I started failing my classes is the same time you got the job at the bar. Now I know you never asked me but if I didn't see you on your time then I would have gotten to see you. I knew if we if we never saw each then things might end between us and I didn't want that. So by trying to spend time with you I fell behind on my classes and failed two. Now it's not your fault but I resent you a little for it but I thought that it would pass and I would be happier for it. It started to go that way for a couple weeks but then I was informed that one of the conditions of my trust is that I have to have a degree by the time I'm twenty three. If I don't then I forfeit whatever I have from the small ten percent I have now and the rest of it to be deposited on my twenty fifth birthday. Provided I hold down a steady job for a year. See by me failing and being on probation scared me into thinking that I was going to lose my safety net."

"But baby why didn't you just tell me this?" I am trying to keep it together but I do not like this. Have you noticed he is talking in the present tense? I think this might be how he is feeling now.

"I couldn't and I didn't want to…..See my mom side is the one my trust is from. See my mom met my dad when he was twenty 21 and stationed in San Diego. She was nineteen and on vacation when they fell in love. See my mom was from Bel Air and every weekend she would go see him, no matter what. She did this for a year until he got transferred again. She didn't want him to go, so he proposed to her so they would never be apart. She of coursed accepted and they were happy one day. On the second day they told my grandparents and they were outraged. They hated the idea of their daughter marrying a low level private. Then my mom got into a fight with her parents ending with her choosing my dad. They ran off got married and she got disinherited. My mom didn't care. She loved my dad and her life. They moved from base to base over the next six years never speaking to her parents. They finally reconnected when my mother had Balthazar. They somehow buried the hatchet but my mother got her in heritage back. Instead they left everything to me and my brothers. We each got one third of their estate but it came with some conditions." He says stopping to take a breath.

"Which are?"

"One we have to have a degree. Why because my mother dropped out of Berkley to follow my dad everywhere. Two we can have any felony charges adult or juvenile. Then there is three. We are under a gag order bound by law. If we are to speak off or finance to anyone outside our family then we forfeit our half and is donated to various projects. I am however allowed to share this with someone I have been in a committed relationship with for three years and intend to marry within the next two years."

"Wow" What do I say to that? I wanted to know and he told me everything. What am I to say? I know I don't want to ask him how much he is worth now and in the future but I don't want it to come off the wrong way. "So you didn't want to tell me this?

"No" I know this might be stupid but I am actually hurt he didn't want to tell me I think I am starting to have doubt. Add that to the fact resents and not resented. How can I not? He has never held back. He knows I would have kept his secret.

"Why?"

"Because my resent came back and I started to think about sharing a life with you. Then I stared to think if I tell her and someone found out am I ready to marry her. I know I promised one day but I just don't want it to come too soon" I don't like where this is going. "Then I thought about how much I loved you and how I was giving up a life to be with you. I wondered if I would feel regret." This is the part where I would start to argue with him, but I am too tired to even try.

"Oh, so what are you saying" I sound calm but on the inside I am panicking.

"What I am saying is that? I love you and I want to be with you and know you are my soul mate but lately I am starting to wonder if we got together to fast." And there it is. I knew this was coming.

" Wow didn't see that coming."

"So where this does leads us?" he ask finally turning to look at us. I followed his moments as I cuddle the pillow. I looked in his eyes and I see everything that I am feeling. He looks scared, loving, and doubtful. I don't want this to end but I am starting to think maybe we won't be forever. He will no longer be the guy who had showed up to my prom and turned me into princess when he told me he loved me for the first time. He always implied it but he never said it until that night. I can't let him go but I think we have more issues then we realize and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

He is looking at me almost holding his breath. The moon light beams on him as I lean in to kiss him. I gentle placed my lips on his. I rested them there until he started moving his against mind. We laid there gently kissing for a few moments before he scowling moving his hand up my white tank top. I wrap my leg around him as our kisses intense. He runs his one hand through my hair as he grazes my thigh with his other. He suddenly breaks our kiss before he stares deep into my eyes. For a minute all our problems were gone and all we felt was love. He suddenly flipped me on back before he rest his body on mine.

Right now I call a pause. I don't want to deal with anything right now. Right now I just want to feel and I can't think of a better way.

* * *

**So what do you think?**

**Gabriel came clean and told her a few other things? **

**Who's side would you take. GAbriel or JO?**

**Can they come back from it.**

**"What about Dean? What is feeling towards him right now.**

**How sweet was Cas?**

**Leave a review telling me what you think?**

**Oh and Alice do not worry Cas will find out but you have to trust me. Cas will find out and it will be good it's just not right now. **


End file.
